Listen up betches, we’re starting a column about getting your shit together. “But why would I need to get my shit together? A betch’s life is flawless as it is. She can do no wrong,” said a pretentious commenter behind her computer screen. False.
While it’s common knowledge that on most days of the week, a betch prides herself on shit like being able to down nine vodka sodas at drunk brunch and still make it out that night, Sundays are a time for self reflection. Sundays are the day we often wake up with a brutal hangover, swear that this is the last time we’re hooking up with that asshole Evan, and resolve to finally call our grandmas. Sundays are usually the day of the week reserved for meaningless vocalizations of getting your shit together, a time for New Week’s Day resolutions, if you will.
For that reason, we’re going to aid you in your journey to not pride yourself on being a crackhead and your lifelong mission to lose three pounds. Every Sunday we will bring you helpful information like the best and trendiest places to work out, the shit you should be eating to be fit and like, live longer, and interviews with other Betches who manage to have their shit together without turning into dreaded nicegirls. GYST Sundays will transform your life and turn you into the power betch that your mom already thinks you are. You’re welcome.