Incorrect Study Finds That Women Prefer Narcissists

Elite Daily, the written manifestation of an Alex and Ani bracelet made entirely out of cotton candy, reported on a recent study that found that women are attracted to narcissists – men with over-inflated levels of self-worth and confidence. This is incorrect: Women aren’t attracted to men who believe themselves to be attractive, capable and charming. They’re attracted to men who are attractive, capable and charming.

Men like me.

The study also found that women with more dating experience, those who ought to “know better,” are actually more likely to seek out men with narcissistic qualities, and even more likely to marry them. They found that women prioritized “the ability to acquire resources, and that they are entertaining and self-assured. These traits are attractive to females in relationship contexts.”

Again, I don’t see how being better than everyone else makes me narcissistic. Maybe these scientists should enlist the help of someone who’s actually good at sciencing. Someone like me.

Is it my fault that I’m so attractive and charming, I could talk Hellen Keller into bed? I think not.

The researchers (ha, “researchers”) also asked women how many “romantic partners” they’d had in the past year, and oh my God how typical is it for a wussy nerdy science guy to beat around the bush instead of coming out and asking these chicks how many dicks they’d sucked recently (chicks love when you do that)? If I were running this study, I’d have found out the number immediately and then added to it, probably.

Anyway. They found that women with 21 or more “romantic partners” [wanking motion] were significantly more attracted to so-called narcissists than women with 10 or fewer. No shit. A woman with 21 notches on her bedpost is, clearly, trying to find her way to a powerful, influential man (like yours truly) and won’t rest until she does. Can you blame her?

“Unfortunately, many of the qualities that make such a man poor mate material are not immediately evident,” they said. Newsflash, if you don’t have any “poor qualities,” of course they’re not going to be evident.

Scientists can be so fucking dumb sometimes.


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