We’re living in divided times right now. Democrats vs. Republicans, liberals vs. conservatives, people who hate that Colton is the next Bachelor vs. people who are objectively wrong. In all seriousness, though, it is a strange time with a lack of unity. Which is why I was so glad to come across this story about a guy who proposed to his girlfriend during the New York City Marathon on Sunday. Yes, he proposed DURING THE MARATHON. Why? Because I think we can all agree that this guy sucks. To quote the great philosopher Ross Geller, “Why? Why would you do that?”
Now, I know what you’re thinking, and NO, the boyfriend in question was not running the marathon, did not propose on the sidelines, nor did he wait until his girlfriend had gotten to the finish line before inserting himself into this moment. If he had done any of those things, I would not be here right now, roasting him.
But let me back it up a bit. Kaitlyn Curran, a nurse living in Jersey City, trained to run the New York City marathon for a year. A YEAR. The only thing I’ve ever trained a year for has been to get a boyfriend, and so far I am no closer to achieving that goal than I was the day after my last breakup. Anyway, it was Kaitlyn’s first marathon. Enter Dennis Galvin, a Jersey City firefighter, who had been dating Kaitlyn for four years. (The two have reportedly been friends most of their lives. How sweet.)
According to Dennis’ cousin, Dennis wanted Kaitlyn’s first marathon to be special. So what did he do? Make a cute poster? Bring some flowers? Take her out to brunch afterwards? No, no, and no (well, maybe he did that stuff—I don’t know—but that’s not the point of the story here). He PROPOSED DURING THE MARATHON. Like, while it was still very much going on. At mile 16.
To be fair, Kaitlyn said yes. So she probably is not anywhere near as outraged as I, a completely objective third party with absolutely no personal interest in the matter. However. Can you imagine?? Can you imagine training for A YEAR to run 26.2 miles, only to have to stop at 16 miles while your fiancé jumps over the barricade (where was security for this?), jumps INTO the race, makes you stop and lose your momentum, and proposes? AND THEN have to run the remaining 10.2 miles with your nose all stuffy and your eyes running because you were crying? I would never train for a marathon in the first place, but still, I would not be thrilled if this happened to me. (Says the girl who gets ghosted regularly. If a guy proposes and his credit score is above 1, I should take what I can get.)
SHE SAID YES: A woman who was running in Sunday’s New York City Marathon was at mile 16 when her longtime boyfriend hopped over the barrier and dropped to one knee. She ended the day with a medal around her neck and a ring on her finger. https://t.co/8xbZ6P24RM pic.twitter.com/YizdEJYOhc
— CBS Evening News (@CBSEveningNews) November 5, 2018
Proposing at the end of the race would have been fine. Cute, even. But to stop basically in the middle and get in the way of other people who paid money and trained to run the race? Nah, son. It’s one thing to not have your nails done for your proposal, but what the hell do you do when your FACE isn’t done for your proposal? I am extremely vain, and I would sooner throw myself in the Hudson River than get engaged all sweaty with my hair in a ponytail. Kaitlyn, not caring about that, is clearly better than me.
To Kaitlyn’s credit, she went on to finish the marathon in 4 hours and 24 minutes, proving that overall, she is a far better person than I am. Dennis, you picked a good one.