I Regret To Inform You Mercury Is In Retrograde: Weekly Horoscopes June 15-19

Welp. It’s here. Mercury will be going into retrograde this Thursday, and staying there until July 12th, meaning we’ve got a month of f*cked up communications and technical issues ahead of us. Lol at you for thinking you’d finally gotten the hang of hosting your own Zoom meetings. You know what they say: man plans, Zoom laughs.


You’re finishing off Gemini season strong with some serious mood swings. How festive. Feeling sad or stressed? Wait an hour. Feeling insanely pissed off for no reason? Have a snack and check again. This week you’ll be embracing the twin energy by changing your mind abruptly and often. TL;DR: Save the drastic hair decisions for another time.


Got some important emails to send this week? Might wanna read those over again… and then again for good measure. With Mercury in its hot mess phase, communication can be tough, especially when that communication is via the interwebs. Ultimately, now might be a good time to take that social media break you’ve been talking about for the past seven years.


Hope you didn’t spend all those birthday checks at once, because with a retrograde Mercury in your house of money, you’re gonna want a little more in savings. Don’t panic—it’s not because you’re cruising for a financial crisis. Mercury retrograde just has you appreciating the stability of a solid nest egg that’s accruing interest. In other words, you’ve officially turned into your parents. Congrats.


With Cancer season right around the corner, it’s important that you not let other people’s mess dull your shine. It’s your birthday month, goddammit! Now is not the time to take a back seat or to let others put their name on your work. Now is the time to let people know that, despite all that’s going on, you’re still finding ways to thrive. (Even if your mask-related acne is out of control right now.)


Your Mercury retrograde motto: less is more. Use Mercury’s backpedal as a cosmic symbol to slow sh*t down and take it easy, Leo. Lean into the lazy summer vibes and leave the work and stress for the hours between 9 and 5. This week, as soon as the workday is done, it’s Do Not Disturb on, pants off. That’s an order.


Mercury has you feeling some type of way, and now you’re in for an emotional week. See a dog? Cry. Think about your mom? Cry. Realize you haven’t cried in a long time? Full f*cking sob. Embrace it. It’s okay to be raw and emotional sometimes, even though your sign typically prides itself on keeping it together. This week, let the emotions flow, and let your friends be the ones comforting you for a change.


Feeling in a rut lately, Libra? Mercury retrograde is the perfect time to change things up. Rethink your strategies, revise your plans, and get to work. This is the perfect time to take a step back and see if the big picture has changed. Chances are with the whole global pandemic and historic civil unrest thing, it has.


TMI alert! Your gauge of what is or is not okay to say is way, way off. Be careful what you share this week, especially on social media. Not everyone needs to know all the details of your sexual awakening via Hulu’s Normal People. We’re happy for you, but please stop.


Mercury retrograde doesn’t always have to mean something bad. Sometimes it can mean… romance! Pay attention to your attractions during this period, as they could lead to an even deeper connection, maybe with someone you hadn’t noticed before. And hey, after three months of social distancing, we know you need it.


Beware, Capricorn. With Mercury retrograde in your house of partnerships, you could end up hurting someone with an offhand comment or momentary lapse in judgment. Be particularly careful with sensitive subject matters this week, as you could end up misunderstood, and then the argument spirals and suddenly you’re arguing about a text neither of you can exactly remember from the year 2013.


Time to take a whole host of steps back, Aquarius. This retrograde, your assignment is to take a look at your life. Is there something you’ve been neglecting that is actually screaming for your attention ASAP? Chances are you already know what it is, you just don’t want to admit it because then you’d have to do something. Do it. Delete the number.


Just as Mercury is popping into retrograde, people from your past might start popping back into your life. But remember, just because someone wants your attention doesn’t mean you have to give it to them. Check in with yourself before agreeing to any catch up conversations, and feel free to leave people on read as needed.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.