Hello to my gorgeous followers!
Well, as you know it’s been a long, cold, lonely winter and now that we’re all eligible for our vaccine, it’s time to PARTY PLAN!
You know I love a good party and I have been sorely deprived the last several months.
It’s true, my engagement fell apart during the pandemic, and it’s also true that I got a cute little puppy wuppy named Satchel to ease my sorrows. So, I was thinking, since y’all don’t know my sweet little snuggle lumpkins all that well yet, I decided I would throw a GENDER REVEAL!
Please feel free to like, share, retweet, stitch, duet, upvote, and tell your friends all my puppy party tricks. I’m really proud of how this one turned out.
I love a good gender reveal. I love them with balloons, and fireworks, and cake, and prizes, and betting, and wildfires.
Now you might be asking, isn’t gender a construct? OF COURSE. But don’t you wanna know who’s been a good boy or gurrrrrl? Plus, this is a doggo. Let the kitties be gender mewtral.
You might also be wondering if my pet is even gendered anymore, since you assume they’ve been fixed. Even a fixed dog can be feminine or masculine, y’all!
Also, before you ask, I knew I wanted to throw a gender reveal before I adopted Satchel, so I had the breeder write Satchel’s gender in a sealed envelope and I didn’t show it to anyone or take any peeks until giving it to my baker for the party.
The theme of this party is…drumroll please.
Spike or FiFi!
I also considered “Red Rocket or Polly Pocket” but I decided to make this a classy affair.
DRESS & DECOR: I went with a pink and black theme with spiked collars and leather for the boys and boy pets and pink tutus or fancy dress for the ladies. It has sorta an edgier Grease vibe. Like, sexier, but also cute. So we have leather-clad tables and tutu flower arrangements and penis balloons and pink pussy hats. I dressed my pupper in this really cute little number that I stayed up all night making that was like a tutu on the bottom with a leather harness thing and a spiked collar but with bows. See pic. Scroll for the PDF download of the pattern. It’s free for my Patreon members or $69.99.
DRINKS & SNACKS: I had spiked (get it) lemonade and pink bellinis. For the pets, I had pink and black water bowls. To eat, there were wieners in a blanket and handmade doggie cookies in the shape of bows and spikes. I’m not going to lie, the spikes just looked like dicks, but it worked, right? For the humans, there were also wieners in a blanket and tacos and clams for the girl tie-in.
ENTERTAINMENT: I came up with some fun games. We had a battle of the sexes girls vs. boys doggie race. We also gave prizes for best- and worst-dressed. Satchel won best-dressed, of course. For the main event, I designed a doggie-friendly cake made out of dry food mixed with wet food and I added in a little PB just to make the whole thing stick together, and filled it with pink or blue tinted banana cream. I had it topped with more banana cream and had the bakery write, “Spike or Fifi” on the top with a little picture of Satchel in the outfit I made. Scroll forever for the recipe.
Okay, so the party started off great. We had fantastic tunes, strong drinks, and good vibes all around. Then, one of the guests, this bratty little lab mutt my cousin rescued from the pound who, YES won worst-dressed, and whose name is inexplicably Fifi, even though I told her that was the theme of the party, got into the gender reveal cake and ate the whole thing before we could do the big reveal announcement.
My little Satchel was absolutely heartbroken and decided to poop all over the twister board in despair. The smell, plus, apparently the combo of hot dogs, clams, tacos, and champagne, set off a barf chain reaction among the hoomans. Once we had it all cleaned up and under control, Fifi decided to steal the spotlight YET AGAIN and poop out the entirety of the gender reveal cake. We sifted through the remains and it was all mostly brown but also maybe a little blue, so we decided to say that my sweet whittle Satchel is, in fact, a boyboy.
So, my advice, besides that you need to make sure you properly refrigerate the clams, is that you should stay away from bitches named Fifi. They will steal your cake and lose their sh*t.
KK love and light, my followers. Stay tuned for next week’s post: How to Cut Toxic People Out Of Your Life When You’re an Empath.