How To Survive The Heat

Summer is full of wonderful things like summer Fridays, Surf Lodge, and rosé, but it’s also a time when we get too close to strangers by sharing body heat in public areas with very little personal space. Ugh, being too hot to function is not the best part of summer, but you can avoid the heatwave like a betch.

In our ideal world we’d never have to share sweat with strangers on the subway, but staying in forever isn’t practical either.  Therefore, the key to surviving the heat and keeping your clothes from getting soaked in sweat is to plan your outings around places with air conditioning. Aka if a bro does not have air conditioning, then there is no reason to go on the date. Like, even if things go well, you’re both just going to be laying in your own sweat wishing there were less people in the room.  Cool off at hotel bars and cocktail lounges that are not crowded AF and avoid dive bars like the plague.

You’re also going to have to accept the fact that showers will only get you 15 minutes of feeling clean once you step out of your door. But you can use this to your advantage.  In order to avoid soaking your nice clothes in sweat, you can repurpose your Coachella outfits and dress like a slut to save yourself from heat exhaustion.  Also you can get away with wearing that Pocahontas crop top you never thought you’d wear again.

Also one bonus of the intense heat is you can eat more without feeling guilty, because you lose five pounds of sweat a day, it’s so hot.  So literally go for the fries – they’ll be out of your system by sundown.

Finally, to survive any heat wave, just turn to day drinking… or any drinking really. If it’s 100 degress outside but you’re so day drunk that jumping into a pool with your clothes on doesn’t seem like a bad idea, you’ll find a way to cool off.  And you’ll have no trouble sleeping when it’s time to turn in for the night, because you’ll be so full of tequila sunrises that you won’t even notice your room feels like an oven.  If all else fails, Tinder your way to air conditioning.


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