Gen Z is extremely different than previous generations when it comes to sex. Not only are they more open about talking about sex, but they seem to be veering into kinkier territory as well. How do we know? Well, a lot of them are choking each other in bed.
Now, if you’re someone who’s never experimented with BDSM, choking a partner sexually may seem very extreme — but it’s actually more popular than you’d think. The NY Post reported that in a survey of 4,000 undergraduate students, 1 in 3 women had been choked by a partner during sex, whereas very few adults over 50 ever participated in sexual choking. So why are the youngin’s all choking each other?
Why Is Gen Z So Into Choking?
Something about choking men during sex feels right
— venus (@HazyAngeLevV) September 8, 2020
“Rough porn plays a key role,” licensed sexologist and relationship therapist Sofie Roos tells Betches. “Since the limits of what turns you on are pushed forward with your exposion for visual sexual materials, to end up watching choking sex is common for people watching a lot of porn (which most young people do from an early age because of it’s being so easy to access!), and while some might find it disturbing at first, most get used to it or even starts getting turned on by it with time.”
And listen, I’m no exception — I’m definitely a fan of a light choke during sex — but I always make sure it’s with a partner that I completely trust to know what they’re doing.
“A lot of times when people say choking, what they really mean is putting pressure around someone’s neck when they are giving or receiving pleasure,” Roos says. “This can result in enhanced arousal and pleasure, and greater climaxes.”
People are so turned on by choking because it has a lot to do with a power dynamic, hence the whole “BDSM” thing. For some people, it’s hot to be in such a vulnerable position and letting someone else take complete control. For others, it’s just as hot to have someone trust you to take a lead in that way. And while that’s all very sexy, it’s important to remember that choking isn’t just this fun thing to do — it can be super dangerous if done incorrectly.
How To Consensually Choke Someone During Sex
There are a lot of people out there who firmly believe that there is “no right way to choke someone during sex” and they have legitimate concerns about the prevalence of violence against women during sex (since choking is rarely done to men, according to the previous surveys). This is all super fair and valid. As someone who engages in BDSM as a way to heal past sexual trauma I’ve had, my thinking is always that as long as there is consent and safety, almost any type of sex can be pleasurable for everyone involved.
I’m going to say it again: First and foremost, consent is key. Do not ever put your hands on someone’s neck without getting clear consent from that person. It is never sexy to be caught off guard that way. Choking can be extremely dangerous and shouldn’t be practiced unless you’ve had an intense conversation about boundaries.
And then of course, you need to make sure you’re doing it in a safe manner.
“It is important to know that there are only two areas of blood flow to, and from the brain through the neck, and they are on either side of the wind pipe,” Roos explains. “So it’s important to know where you are putting pressure and not to put too much pressure, because, in fact, we do still need the brain to get blood.”
You want to make sure you’re being gentle and almost doing it in intervals, so that you’re not applying pressure consistently the entire time. And you want to only press the side of the neck, never the front.
“People also tend to think choking is a light form of sex, mainly because it’s so exposed within porn, but this is not true — choking is in fact very advanced and requires much of you as a couple, so before exploring it, you must work on your communication and make sure that you can read each other’s body language,” she says.
Roos explains that if you start feeling dizzy or lightheaded or notice that your vision is blurring, you should have a safe word or gesture so the person choking you knows when to back off.
And no matter what, you shouldn’t be engaging in any kind of choking if you or your partner are drunk or high — that’s just a recipe for miscommunication and disaster.
Are There Any Safer, Sexy Alternatives?
If you’re into the idea of the power play that comes with sexual choking but not so much having someone’s hands on your neck, there are some safer alternatives you can experiment with.
“You can try using a BDSM collar or a leash which can give the same feeling of when someone has their hands around your neck, but without the risks of not getting oxygen to the brain (if not tighten too much),” Roos says.
And if it’s just the power dynamics you’re looking for, she recommends trying kinks like spit kinks or roleplaying. You can still be submissive/dominant with someone without risking your breath.
