Oh boy, Halloweekend is over, and you’re probably too scared to even look in the mirror at the moment, let alone show up at work. Whether you’re currently regretting all the Fireball shots you chased with mini Kit Kats, your hookup with some tool in a Donald Trump costume, or your brilliant idea to debut your entire shit-show of a night on your Snapchat story, you’ve put your body through a lot, and you’re struggling with the pain of Monday morning sobriety. You’ve had your fun and eaten your fair share of candy, but now it’s time to get your shit together. Here’s how to recover your body from its current state of Halloween horror.
1. Drink Water
Fucking duh. Water is the universally accepted hangover cure, and as such, it does wonders for your headaches, dehydration, and any post-drinking digestion issues. If you’ve been getting your fluids from sketchy punch and vodka sodas all weekend, your body is in desperate need of water, so start chugging. Water has been proven to cure hangovers since ancient times (I assume), and if you forgot to drink some before going to bed, it’s not too late to start now. If you’re an overachiever, add some lemon and ginger to help soothe your stomach and get your metabolism moving again. If it keeps Kourtney Kardashian skinny after three births, chances are it’ll help you out after this weekend.
2. Throw Out The Candy
If you woke up this morning with candy corn in your bed, you’ve overdone it on the Halloween candy, and it’s not the time to store the extras in your desk drawer or buy fun sized Twix bars on sale at CVS. There’s a reason adults don’t go trick-or-treating, and it’s not because we have better things to do. Well, it sort of is, but it’s MOSTLY because we don’t have the metabolism we had at age eight. Sorry. Just get rid of your candy so you won’t be tempted to eat it all week. You can even offer it to your neighbor as a peace treaty for all the times they’ve told you to keep the noise down. Works like a charm.
3. Get Some Sleep
This tip seems pretty obvious, but for some reason people think their bodies won’t mind if they run on less than five hours of sleep for like, two weeks straight. If you got no sleep this weekend, you owe it to your body to put down the Red Bull (yes, and the Adderall) and rest up, even if that means calling in for a sick day, or worse—cancelling happy hour plans. When your body is deprived of sleep, not only are you lacking energy, but your brain tries to compensate by telling you you’re hungry, so you end up craving junk food and chocolate all day. Oh, and coffee doesn’t count. Get some sleep.
4. Eat Omega-3’s
We don’t usually believe in the power of superfoods or magical ingredients, but omega-3’s are the shit. End of story. A lot of people take omega-3 supplements to help with weight loss and skin care, but you can get enough of them just by eating the right foods. Things like salmon, walnuts, and flax seeds are all packed with omega-3’s, and you’ll notice a difference within a few days of eating them. Omega-3’s help fight inflammation, protect your body from viruses, and even help prevent breakouts. If you’re feeling gross from your weekend drinking bender, stop Googling SkinnyTeas and start making some salmon. You’ll thank us.
5. Limit Dairy Intake
As much as we love our daily Sweetgreen salad with extra feta, try to eliminate dairy from your diet as much as you can, at least for the next few days. If you tend to feel bloated from drinking and your skin is prone to breakouts, eating a lot of dairy will only make those symptoms worse. To make your body feel and look better after this weekend, cut out the dairy, and try to stick to whole grains, lean protein sources, and healthy fats (see: the salmon argument). You might not be straight-up lactose intolerant, but most people have trouble digesting dairy like other foods, so you might as well make things easier on your body right now and just avoid.
6. Sweat That Shit Out
And finally, the advice that no one wants to hear, but seems pretty inevitable. If you feel like shit after one too many tequila shots, you can chug a Poland Spring bottle and eat a slice of whole grain toast, but there’s nothing better for your body than breaking a sweat. You might feel nauseous and slightly suicidal, but take an Advil, put on your sports bra, and suck it up. (Words I live by tbh.) Book a bike, go on a run, sign up for yoga—we don’t care. Just do a workout that will allow your body to sweat out the toxins it’s accumulated over the weekend. It’ll probably suck and you’ll want to cry or vomit (or both), but you’ll end up feeling and looking so much better. Obviously not right away, but like, maybe after a shower.