If you showed up to Coachella this weekend with your LF denim shorts and your “good vibes only” flask thinking you were set for the weekend, you’re probably experiencing a new level of Monday morning regret right now. I mean, you might have left with some
spotty good memories and a triple-digit worthy ferris wheel Insta, but betches tend to forget Coachella is held mid-desert, where all hopes of healthy hair, skin, nails, and bodily functions get left behind faster than your favorite flower headband.
If you’re noticing that you feel like you want to vom and die (you’re dehydrated), your skin is drier than your phone, your hair is a literal rat’s nest, you’re bright red and can’t move your limbs, and you’re more sleep deprived than any time you pulled an all-nighter in college, it’s time to get your shit together. Here’s what you need to do:
For Your Dehydration:
We don’t want to tell you to just start chugging, because that seems pretty obvious, but in case some of your brain cells died after three days of no sleep: start chugging. The combination of the desert heat and the amount of tequila you drank this weekend probably dried out your whole system, so it’s important to drink as much as you can this week. Drinks with electrolytes work best, so think coconut water and Gatorade, but your basic H2O does the trick too. Also, try not to OD on coffee, as hard as that sounds, because it’ll just dehydrate you even more. Your goal is to be the girl running to the bathroom every ten minutes. And it goes without saying, but skip the work happy hour this week. Otherwise you may turn into an actual raisin.
For Your Dry Skin:
If you spent all weekend bouncing around on the shoulders of some Molly dealer wearing a denim vest, I’m guessing you didn’t have time to cleanse, exfoliate, moisturize, or even like, look in a mirror. You might have noticed you’re breaking out or your skin is super dry, so it’s time to prioritize your skincare routine. Take a warm shower to open up your pores and cleanse your face really thoroughly. Use a moisturizer to save your dry skin while it’s slightly damp, and make sure you use a product that has ceramides in the ingredients. It will smooth out your skin’s surface while also replenishing your inner layer.
For Your Gross Hair:
I honestly don’t even want to know how many days you’ve gone without a good shampoo, so please spare me the details. If your hair is feeling brittle and damaged from that dusty valley air, you’ll need a good shampoo, conditioner, and consider a hair mask, too. It will make your hair super smooth and silky, and won’t add any more oil to the mess you’ve created. Also, try to stay away from hot tools for a few days just to prevent your hair from getting damaged. Time to embrace the air dry.
For Your Sunburn:
NOTHING in the world is more painful than a bad sunburn. Like, not even a Brazilian wax or an unmedicated root canal or a 90-minute SoulCycle class. Chances are the second you got drunk/ingested drugs you forgot about reapplying sunscreen, and
you played yourself you’re currently crying in pain while trying to put on your bra. The cure for a bad sunburn is aloe vera, moisturizer, cool showers, and NO sun whatsoever. People also swear by an oatmeal bath, which sounds fucking gross, but I guess nothing’s more gross than your entire body peeling for the next 2-3 weeks, so it might be worth a shot.
For Your Sleep Deprivation:
Go the fuck to sleep. Like, lights out at ten. No excuses. Your eyes aren’t still red from the weed. They’re red because you haven’t slept in 72 hours and your body is telling you to hit the fucking pillow. Try to get 8-9 hours a night, but if you can get even more, go for it. If you ever needed an excuse to cancel all your plans in favor of sleeping, this is it. This isn’t the week to start binge-watching This Is Us or to make late-night plans for drinks after work. Pretend you’re literally 90 years old and your body will thank you.