Lessons from a Pro: How To: Play Hard to Get (effectively)

I’ve gotten a lot of emails lately from betches asking for advice on how to play hard to get, which is understandable. Since true pros love a challenge and the uncertainty of whether you're after them for a good time or just to make fun of what a tool they are with your friends, mastering the art of hard to get is more a finer art than advanced calligraphy. But before we get into the finer points of winning, we need to define “playing hard to get”, both for what it is and what it isn’t. Playing hard to get is the push-pull that creates the necessary tension in a relationship while subtly keeping you in control. It’s repeatedly giving just enough before pumping the brakes. It’s sure as shit not about being a tease or leading guys on. Leading guys on is for skanks who desperately need attention to feel good about themselves, and being a cock tease is for born-again virgins trying to convince themselves that it takes more than tap on the shoulder to get them in the sack. No, playing hard to get the right way is not for fucking amateurs – it’s for the most talented betches who need a way to manage bros’ inherent animal magnetism. Let’s break it down.

hard to getJust don't do it….but maybe get a new phone.


At the Bar

Do: Understand that making eye contact with us is an invitation for us to come talk to you. It’s literally the only thing we have to go on. Only the most delusional broseurs start talking to random girls without provocation, so we need something to go on. Eye contact, a smile, a handjob while we’re waiting for a drink – anything to let us know it’s ok for us to come say hi. I know betches hate doing work, but this qualifies as work the same way Kim Kardashian qualifies as a fucking human being (that is to say, barely). Don’t: Think that you owe him anything after that. Sure, you locked eyes and now he’s coming over to talk, but that’s where your job ends. If he’s interesting, by all means have a chat with him. If he’s not, show him the fucking door. Any guy can get some passable attire from J. Crew or wherever the fuck it is the middle class shops, but true bros reveal themselves in the banter. Don’t settle for some loser who starts talking about the weather or gives you some lame fucking “cheers” from across the bar. If you wanted to meet an awkward nice guy, you’d actually show up for class/work. Communications

Do: Remember what I’m establishing here as the golden rule for texting – a response can be delayed or unenthusiastic, but it shouldn’t be both. Remember, you’re trying to create doubt and uncertainty, not be a total cold bitch. Let’s say your bro texts you to see if you’d like to go to a concert on Saturday. You could either respond with “yeah sure/sorry, can’t” quickly, or you can wait a few hours and say something like “yeah that’d be great!/oh I can’t but definitely next time!”. You’re dealing with a bro here, so if you wait forever to respond with something dismissive, he’s going to move right the fuck on to the next one. Don’t: Be afraid to initiate a conversation (SOMETIMES). Bros are smart as shit, so if it’s been a while and we’re the ones doing all of the outreach, it won’t be long before we realize what’s going on and write you off. In fact, if you’re in talks with a guy who continues to pursue you despite always having to be the initiator, you probably aren’t dealing with a bro at all but rather a desperate needy loser. You want a push-pull dynamic, so contrary to your instincts, the occasional invitation or salutation actually gives you more power. After all, even Marie Antoinette offered her subjects some cake. **Betches note: What Head Pro failed to mention is that you should NEVER be contacting him more than he contacts you. If you act like you have more shit going on and are cooler than him, you will be. Winning is a state of mind, girls.


hard to get



Do: Have a life, regardless of how much you might like a guy. If you paid attention read a nice girl's notes before the final in an econ class in college, you know that the scarcity of a resource drives up the price. That is, the less available you are the more desirable you seem, regardless of your actual attractiveness. If you’re playing your cards right, you’ve got bros hitting you up left and right trying to pin down your weekend plans. Nice girls bitch about guys not making them their “weekend girl”, but betches know the truth: agreeing to go out with a guy or show up to his party tips your hand and lets him know he’s a priority for you. Limit your early dates/hangouts to weeknights and let him know you’ve got shit to do in prime time. Do name a few times that work for you even if you're free all fucking week. No one wants to chill with someone whose most fun activity planned is hanging out with them. Don’t: Stretch a relationship beyond its logical conclusion. If it’s not meant to be, let it die. I know modern feminism tells you to use your feminine wiles to get whatever you want, but over the long term this is a recipe for disaster. It’s fine to go out with a guy once or twice for free drinks or food (I mean, if you’re into that), but if you don’t see yourself hooking up with a guy you should cut the cord before shit gets real. And by real, we mean he's cried in front of you. No one wants to deal with attempting to pretend to pity someone. You may feel in control stringing a high-status bro along for all the free shit it gets you, but that breeds resentment. Sooner or later, you’re going to get shitfaced and let your guard down, and when that happens the date will end with a reservation for two at the Bone Zone Café. You’ve just been hate fucked, and you’re never going to see him again. That’s the definition of losing. **Betches note: a courtesy fuck for a guy who has bought you a lot of shit may seem like a high class prostitute move, but depending on if you think the guy is 'just okay' or really fucking sucks this can make all the difference in the acceptability of it. Also, to the head pro: if we're fucking you after being that wasted and just because we feel it's an obligation, we're probably hoping you don't call us anyway. Plus since the opposite of hate is indifference and not love, we don't totally hate the idea of a hate fuck. That’s all for now. Stay betchy, and stay hard to get. Kisses, Head Pro

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