How To Introduce Your Guy To A Sex Toy Without Scaring Him

In the age of Broad City and SZA, it’s no secret that virtually every girl has a vibrator. And yet a lot of women still feel shame or stigma surrounding their motorized orgasm assistant and feel strange bringing it up to their boyfriends/FWB/partners. “What if he thinks I’m a sex-crazed maniac who’s addicted to plastic purple penises? I refuse to die alone because of a dildo! There must be a better way!” –What I imagine girls say on the topic. Look no further, because today we’re taking the conversation out in the open and talking about how to introduce your man to the most important object in your life besides your iPhone.

Tell Him It’s Not Replacing Him

One of the main insecurities guys have about their girl using a sex toy is they think that it means that they’re not good enough. That they’re falling short. That somehow this futuristic phallus is going to orgasm their girl out of their lives like some depraved episode of Black Mirror. Obviously, this is not the case. But a lot of men, especially younger ones, fear it is because they don’t realize what a vibrator is actually for. For men, the idea of needing help to orgasm is as ridiculous to us as a dog that breathes water. So the first step in introducing your man to a sex toy is to explain that it’s not there to replace him, but to help you. It’s the difference between driving a car and flying a plane: they’re both respectable forms of transportation, but one is going to get you there a hell of a lot faster and comes with an autopilot.

Show Him How You Like To Use It

While most guys will be cool with a vibrator, many won’t have the faintest idea of how to use it. A lot of guys don’t know what to do with their own appendages, let alone a mechanical one. So unless you want him to use it on you like he’s trying to sand down an old table, you’re going to want to show him the ropes. Show him exactly how you like to use it on yourself, then have him try and imitate it like a sexy version of Simon says. He’ll love to see the effect it’s having on you, and it’ll free up one of your hands to focus on other things.

Don’t Spring It On Him

A vibrator is like a gun: it’s common courtesy to give a little warning before whipping it out and firing it off. Guys are not used to using any other technology besides their hand as a sex aid, so it’s a little surprising seeing a vibrator in person, especially if you’re not expecting it. If you spring it on him in the middle of the action, you have a much higher chance of intimidating him or stoking underlying insecurities. A great time to bust it out is while y’all are catching your breath before round two because he’s already in a fantastic mood and it leaves plenty of time in case he wants to have a brief Q&A session before you fire up the engine.

Buy One Together

What better way to introduce him to a sex toy than to buy one together? If you don’t have a sex toy already or are simply looking for some exciting new additions for your Christian Grey dungeon, take your guy to a sex shop and make a date out of it. It’ll give you the chance to explain what you like, and it’s the perfect break from an endless West World/Halo Top binge. It’s also a great chance to pick his brain and find out if he has any undiscovered kinks.