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How To Eat Healthy At A BBQ Without Being Annoying

Ah, Memorial Day, the unofficial start of summer, awkward family summer gatherings, pool parties, and body shaming. When else can you finally unleash your totally awesome summer bod while indulging in hot dogs and potato salad while chugging a beer? Maybe Spring Break and the Fourth of July and every other vaguely American holiday in existence, but we digress. Of course, there are consequences to these actions (what? Why?). If you indulge in the salty, fatty, bubbly concoction of shit served at the barbecue, your hard-worked-for summer body will melt away like your sunscreen from weird spots on your bod. Let us help you. Here are the top 10 things to reach for at this weekend’s Memorial Day barbecue that won’t have your vintage denim shorts riding high in your ass later.

1. Beans

If you’re scrounging around for a side, stick with the most musical of fruits even though it’s a legume and not a goddamn fruit. Beans, although they can be soaked in sauces and shit, are full of folate and fiber, both of which will do more for you than the pile of mayonnaise with chunks of potato in it.

2. Watermelon

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: Watermelon is what Jesus would eat if he wanted to stay hydrated and skinny. It’s full of water, tastes great, has literally no calories, and is filling if you eat enough of it. Plus, all the water is good for your skin—so, really, this is a win-win situation.

Watermelon

3. Corn On The Cob

Lest we forget that this staple of summertime is, in fact a vegetable. If it’s grilled, it’s a healthy and not-terrible-for-you-at-all side that you can actually enjoy. Spray on a little butter, salt, and pepper and you’re good to go. Try not to go the Mexican street corn route and slather it in mayo, cheese, and spices… although that does sound pretty goddamn good…

4. Vinegar-Based Coleslaw

Coleslaw is honestly a weird side in general. Who thought of this? “HEY MA I’mma fix some shredded cabbage with mayo and spices and call it a veggie!” Anyway, if it ISN’T the mayonnaise-drenched variety, feel free to indulge. The vinegar (if it’s the apple cider variety) can rev your metabolism and the cabbage is full of nutrients and vitamins.

5. Steak

If the host or hostess of this backyard barbecue are rich enough to be serving everyone steak OR are being misers and cubing it for kebabs, grab it while you can. Although red meat has its issues, it’s honestly better for you than a giant burger or tube of mystery meat since it’s full of protein and vitamins. Just remember 3 oz. is all you need—which would be about the size of your iPhone 7. I mean, Anna Wintour has a steak every day for lunch, and anyone who thinks Anna Wintour is wrong about anything is seriously disturbed. 

Steak

6. Chicken

In line with steak, a lean grilled chicken breast is a great option for the center of your barbecue plate—as are chicken kebobs. So long as it isn’t fried or smothered in cheese, chicken will get you your protein fix, keep you satisfied, and only clocks in at about 150 calories for a breast.

7. Water

Our boring friend water saves the day again. Obviously you’ll be wanting to hit up the bar, but chugging a few bottles of water between your snacks and drinks will keep you from diving into the macaroni salad or brownie tray. Plus, you’re outside, so like, be hydrated.

Water

8. On The Rocks

If you’re drinking liquor, and obviously you are, skip the beer and the mixed shit and put everything on the rocks with a hint of citrus. Want a margarita? No, you want tequila over ice with a splash of lime. How about vodka? Add some ice and some fresh crushed watermelon and you’re good to go. Keep the calories away with fruit, liquor, and ice.

9. Fruit

Any decent barbecue has a shit ton of fresh fruit. I mean, it’s the damn bounty of the season, right? There should be plenty of pineapple, berries, pears, you fucking name it. Fill up on all this shit before the real food even comes out. That way, your stomach will be begging you to stop before you even think about s’mores and cheeseburgers.

10. Crudités

Same rule applies to crudités—aka a veggie platter for the non-bougie among us. Aunt Delilah will surely bring a giant crudité tray to the barbecue for nibbling. Grab a ton of celery, tomatoes, and cucumbers and get to work. SKIP that nasty ranch dip because ranch is for fatties. I’m not even sorry—that shit is disgusting. If you MUST dip, find some guacamole or salsa. The veggies will help fill you up to prevent your sausage fingers from grabbing another beer or plate of macaroni.