Forget that football is extremely unbetchy. Put aside the fact that our idea of a super bowl is a huge amount of weed. This is a reason to get fucked up so we'll take it.
If you're a true betch you probably don't know who's playing…
San Francisco vs. Baltimore. An epic match of weed vs. crack.
Keg stands are appropriate assuming the keg is filled with vodka soda.
Fuck this game, I came to see the new google commercial.
Be prepared for everyone to be talking about and eating wings. Stay away from the wings. Just drink a Red Bull. It gives you wings.
Try not to say things like, “you know what would make this game more exciting? If we switched to the puppy bowl.”
Be sure to prepare a lot of Beyonce knowledge because as a betch it'll be your job to have a lot of opinions on that. Start with, Beyonce is way too classy for any bullshit wardrobe malfunctions. Bitch is chic, she
sang at the inauguration.
Feel free to ignore the final score. No need for instant replay when you have instagram.
Host an after party viewing of Girls and Downton Abbey to cleanse your brain of beer and middle America.