Betches are hot shit and unfortunately this means we are sometimes drawn to shady bros that are really just highly functioning sociopaths. Often times, the only thing stopping these bros from being institutionalized is their black Amex and the fact that nice girls keep falling for their shady tricks. Unlucky for them, betches aren’t nice girls and we don’t take shit. Here’s how to deal with the oldest shady trick in the book: Gaslighting.
Gaslighting is when a bro calls you crazy to discount your emotions – making you feel like maybe you actually are crazy. Before you go Gone Girl or Taylor Swift on his dick, you should know that bros that do this are fully aware of what they are doing. They are not calling you crazy because you have done anything wrong – they are doing it because they are ashamed of how wrong they are and refuse to acknowledge it.
Sidebar – we are not talking about actually crazy. If you’re a BSCB that breaks into his apartment at 4am to like cut up his shirts and burn his sheets, then you are actually crazy. But like, if you knocked first, then you’re good. Also, we love BSCB’s and their crazy revenge stories (that we’re sure he deserved), but that is a whole different thing.
The most common form of gaslighting is when a bro calls you crazy for having a normal human emotion. Example – you’ve been hooking up with a bro for 5 months and suddenly he disappears, so the next time you blackout you call him and leave a voicemail saying “I miss you.”
Okay, this is not #winning, but it happens because oxytocin (Or at least we think, but we’re girls so what do we know about science) bonds you and you’re a human being. An elite one, yes, but still a human being. He calls you a crazy bitch so that he looks like a sane dude for leaving you – I mean, thank god he got out of that, right? Wrong. He does this because he knows he’s an asshole and will look like an idiot for walking away from the hottest betch he’s ever dated.
When a bro calls you crazy, do not say “I’m not crazy!” No matter how much he tries to provoke you, you should stand by your emotions, because they are valid. When he tries to deny ever saying “I love you” or whatever mindfucking tactic he chooses, do not argue with him. DO look him in the eyes and say nothing. DO let him trip all over his own guilt as he realizes what an idiot he sounds like. Bros might play hard, but betches invented the game.
If you need to reply, say something like, “That’s interesting” back. Example – You: “Who the fuck is she?” Him: “She’s just a friend. Stop acting so crazy.” You: “That’s interesting.” Or You: “You can’t just tell me you’re falling for me one day and then ignore my texts for a week.” Him: “I was in a movie, you crazy bitch!” You: “That’s interesting.” If he refuses to acknowledge your emotions, then you can refuse to acknowledge his accusations.
Also, do not fucking cry. Unless you’re a Telenovela star that actually looks hotter when she’s crying, do not do this. Just give him an icy glare like you’re Elsa in Frozen until he starts to fear you might actually be able to read his mind. Actually, if you can read minds, this would be a good time to reveal it to him if you haven’t already, just to freak him out a little.
The next time a bro calls you crazy for feeling a certain way, just remember that he’s the one that has to live with himself but you get to walk away forever. Like, he just saved you so much trouble because you don’t need that shit. And whatever you do, DO NOT let him mindfuck you without your consent. Bitches might be cray, but it takes crazy to know crazy, ya bitch.