It’s no secret that breakups suck. It doesn’t even matter if things ended badly (or if you were never even really together in the first place), something about the end of a relationship can feel pretty devastating. But one way to make it a little less awful (or at least make sure that they’re feeling worse than you) is to channel that pain into a post-breakup Instagram post.
If your first thought is, “That’s so immature, I’m not going to do that,” let me tell you this: JLo and Ben Affleck just announced their divorce in August. Then, at the beginning of September, JLo broke her silence in the way a woman does best: with a dump of curated photos that embody the perfect breakup post — seriously, she’s given us just the right formula to follow to make a post so deliciously great that it’s bound to make your ex eat their heart out. Also, Ms. Lopez knows how to take advantage of the latest Insta update because she included a whopping 16 photos. Plus, it’ll make you feel just a little bit better, trust me.
There’s an art to the post-breakup post. You want to make sure you’re exuding “sexy” without being too obvious and you want to have some indication that you’re healing (even if you’re not). So here’s how to curate the dump:
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1. Start With A Mature, Sexy Look
Before you have the obvious thirst trap (patience, grasshopper) you want to also send a message that you’re someone with duality. You look just as good in a turtle neck and jeans as you do in a bathing suit.
2. Share A Cryptic (But Not Really) Quote About Fate
Are you even going through a breakup if you’re not sharing some sort of random quote about how everything works out for a reason? Extra point if you don’t even credit it to anyone.
3. A Slightly Horny Pic
Is JLo posting a picture of her licking an ice cream cone because she wants everyone to know she had a great day or because she’s horny?
4. A Picture Of You With Your Bestie Or Family
Breakups are the best time to reconnect with your loved ones — and to show off how great of a support system you have. The same applies here if you have any kids. Showing yourself going about your day and taking care of the people that matter most? Essential to the post.
5. A Beach Pic
You sunkissed on a beach smiling like you’re having the time of your life? Absolutely necessary in your post-breakup post.
6. The Thirst Trap
Okay, we’re finally here. You didn’t think I’d forget, did you? Of course, every breakup posts needs a thirst trap. Whether it’s a full-body bikini pic or a mirror pic of your ass looking fantastic, it needs to be included. Of course your ex already knows you’re hot, but there’s not shame in reminding them what they’re missing out on.
7. Some Sort Of Sign That You’re Unbothered
For JLo, this was a literal T-shirt that said “She’s in bloom and unbothered out of reach and at peace,” but you could also try something a little more inconspicuous. Whatever you prefer.
8. Some Picture Of Flowers
Is it a garden or a bouquet of flowers from your new lover? They’ll never know — and that’s the point.
9. A Picture Of You Looking All Dolled Up
You want your ex to know that you’re still out and about — and you look damn good doing it.
10. A Killer Selfie
And of course, the best way to end the dump is to hit them with an unreal selfie. I’m talking ring light, makeup done, and the perfect pout.
