How To Celebrate Labor Day Like A Betch

Ah Labor Day, the unofficial end to summer. Most of you lucky youngsters have already hauled ass back to college at this point while those of us in the adult world look forward to the only thing that makes us happy anymore—a 3-day weekend and enough alcohol to forget that we work 8 hours a day at a cubicle next to someone who thinks the question “working hard or hardly working?” is hilarious. Near, far, wherever you are, your day should be spent drinking by a body of water. If you’re at a loss for ideas, don’t worry, I’ve got you covered fam.

The Beach

vodka beach party

TBH this is the least cool option on this particular day, unless you have a house somewhere like The Hamptons or down the shore, strictly because of tourists. It’s a basic AF idea to spend Labor Day at the beach and you’re going to need to get there early to find a spot for your towel. However, a day trip to the beach is the perfect way to say goodbye to your best friend, the sun. You’ll never get tanner anywhere else than you will lying on the sand from 8am to 4pm, and it’s super easy to sneak alcohol onto a public beach.

A Pool Party

Chad Bachelorette pool noodles

No public pools unless you belong to SoHo House, let me just nix that idea right now. If you don’t have your own pool, better find some friends, loser, because Labor Day is all about doing shit that you can’t do during the winter or you know, paying tribute to those who work hard in America and blah, blah, blah. Whatever. Grab a bunch of wine, lay a towel down, and don’t forget to rotate every other hour. Also not a bad idea to invite some boys who know how to barbecue. You probably won’t eat any of it, but it’ll add to the atmosphere.

If It’s Raining Or Everyone You Know Is Poor

help me I'm poor

If it rains or finding a body of water other than a hose isn’t an option, invite your friends over and get drunk anyway. It won’t be nearly as fun as daging, but at least you won’t be sober enough to remember what a lame time you’re having. #Murica