How The World Would Be Different Without The Kardashians

On Tuesday, the Kardashian-Jenner family announced that, after 14 years and 20 seasons, Keeping Up With The Kardashians is coming to an end. Obviously, this is great news for some and heartbreaking news for others, but no matter how you feel about this family, it’s a big deal. The Kardashians are some of the most famous people on the planet—in total, the family has more than 850 million followers on Instagram—and through their show, they’ve brought us some of the most iconic pop culture moments of the last decade. Will you ever forget about the time Kim lost her diamond earring in the ocean? I, for one, will not.

kim kardashian earring

So, how do we go about wrapping our minds around the Kardashian legacy? Of course, they’ve amassed tons of money and fame, and we’ve gotten some high-quality reality television, but Keeping Up With The Kardashians has had a massive impact in so many areas. As a way of looking back, here are all the ways our world might be different if Kim hadn’t made that sex tape, and E! had never taken a chance on this messy AF family.

I Would Only Be Able To Name Like, One NBA Player

I’m well aware that millions of people follow basketball religiously, but I am not one of those people, and I’m guessing most of you reading this aren’t, either. Through their dating patterns, the Kardashian-Jenner sisters have done a ton of work for NBA player awareness. I may not know anything about Lamar or Tristan’s stats on the court, but I know exactly how they betrayed Khloé, and I think that’s what really counts. Likewise, Kris Humphries will always just be that guy who Kim K was married to for 72 days. I love sports!

We Wouldn’t Have To Deal With Foodgod

The Kardashians already have a huge family, but over the years, they’ve introduced us to a whole cast of supporting characters on KUWTK and its spin-offs. While some of them are great additions (Scott, Malika), and others are just an average level of thirsty (Larsa, Stassie), there’s one who transcends his friend-of status and has become a true menace to society: Jonathan Cheban. From his desert-level thirst on camera to his beyond-obnoxious Foodgod persona on social media, Jonathan truly is all of our sleep paralysis demon. I’ve been blocked by Foodgod on Instagram and Twitter for years, which was actually a blissful period, but recently I’ve discovered his TikToks, and reader, I have not slept in weeks.

Jordyn Woods Would Be A Total Rando

Speaking of supporting players that KUWTK brought into our lives, remember Jordyn Woods?? When the whole Tristan and Jordyn mess went down last year (yes, that was only last year), the only reason it became such a huge deal was because Jordyn was Kylie’s BEST friend, and we watched them together on the show for years. And in 2017, when Kylie got her short-lived spin-off Life of Kylie, Jordyn was basically the second lead character. At the time, people joked about Jordyn being broke without Kylie’s friendship, but with plenty of fame and 11 million Instagram followers, she’s doing just fine—she just starred in a viral music video! She paid her dues at the Kardashian Institute of Best Friendship, and now she can basically do whatever she wants for the rest of her life. Happy for her!

Fit Tea & Facetune Might Not Exist

Okay, so that’s probably a little extreme—I’m sure if it wasn’t the Kardashians, someone else would have come along to promote unrealistic beauty standards and sow the seeds of body dysmorphia. BUT there’s no denying that the Kardashians have done an excellent (and by excellent, I mean terrible) job of this in recent years. The Kardashians have consistently caused controversy for their endorsement of products like appetite suppressant lollipops and waist trainers, as well as photo editing that toes the line between Photoshop and straight-up CGI. While their show is ending, it’s not like their Instagram accounts are being taken away, and I’m sure Khloé will continue to have a different face in every post. It almost feels normal at this point, which is pretty scary when you think about it. This must be a great day for Jameela Jamil.

We Wouldn’t Have Some Iconic Phrases

Even if you’ve never watched an episode of KUWTK (as some of my friends have recently confessed to me), chances are you’re still familiar with some of their oft-quoted lines. My personal favorite to throw into everyday conversation is probably “don’t be f*cking rude,” but there are many to choose from. If your best friend’s man is being shady? “This is a case for the FBI.” If you cook more than one meal for yourself in a week? “You’re doing amazing, sweetie.” And if your annoying aunt is complaining on Facebook about wearing a mask in JoAnn Fabrics? “Kim, there’s people that are dying.” All in all, the quotes are probably KUWTK’s most positive legacy.

Contouring Might Not Be As Popular

Look, the Kardashians obviously did not invent contouring. Drag queens have been doing this sh*t forever, and it’s far from the only thing that Kim and her fam have appropriated and put their own branding on—but that’s a different topic for a different day. But still, it seems unlikely that contouring would have become such a mainstream beauty technique if it wasn’t for Kim Kardashian. Hate the girl all you want, but her makeup always looks flawless!

Okay, so looking back on it, maybe it’s time for Keeping Up With The Kardashians to go. All good things must come to an end, and it’s clearly debatable whether this show was actually good. I’ll always cherish the memories of Kim hitting Khloé with a purse, and digging her fingernails into Kourtney’s back, and getting divorced after 72 days, but it’s time for them to hang it up. Who knows what’s next for this big f*cked up family, but they can put KUWTK to rest knowing that it literally changed the world.


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Dylan Hafer
Dylan Hafer
Dylan Hafer has watched over 1000 episodes of Real Housewives because he has his priorities in order. Follow him on Instagram @dylanhafer and Twitter @thedylanhafer for all the memes you could ever want.