In a world of raging uncertainty, it’s nice to have some constants. For example, every year when December rolls around, there are a few tried and true events that I know I can absolutely rely on.
I know that lights will go up and temperatures will drop and everything will be beautiful and serene, until the shopping starts. I know people will get mad about the holiday cups at Starbucks. I know my co-workers will tire of my playlist solely made up “All I Want for Christmas is You” remixes a mere six minutes into me blasting it from the office Sonos. I know there will be myriad Christmas parties that I will attend and swear to not drink peppermint schnapps at. I know that I will inevitably end up drinking peppermint schnapps at all of them.
But most importantly, I know that Kris Jenner is going to spend more money on her Christmas decorations than I will likely make in the next 10 years of my life. Is it my fault for pursuing a career in media? Perhaps, but that’s beside the point.
For those unfamiliar with Kris Jenner’s Kristmas traditions, let me break it down for you. This woman does not f*ck around with Christmas. Every year, her Calabasas mansion is decked out, head to toe, in varying Christmas decor. It goes without saying that no detail is left unattended. This is Kris Jenner we’re talking about here. If she can market Kylie’s mouth into a billion dollar empire, rest assured she can flawlessly execute a theme.
Two years ago she partnered with Jeff Leatham, artistic director at Paris’s Four Seasons George V and florist extraordinaire to the stars, to bring her Kandyland-Chic vision to life. This included, but was not limited to: five trees in her foyer alone, covered in nearly 10,000 white lights, hundreds of feet of garland, three animated white reindeer, six monstrous nutcrackers, and a custom-made red glass and metal polar bear, which had to be delivered from Paris.
If you’re sitting there thinking to yourself “perhaps I will give Jeff Leatham a call and see what he can muster up for my 10 square foot apartment,” don’t bother. I spent some time reaching out to various florists in the Portland metro area (very similar to the Paris and LA markets, I’m sure) to see if they could lend some insight into just how much this kind of display would cost.
Those who didn’t immediately hang up on me after hearing that I was doing investigative research into Kris Jenner’s holiday decor budget didn’t have much to offer beyond “really f*cking expensive.” But I did learn that some major florists have a $10,000 minimum to even get a consultation. Okay, so I CLEARLY ended up in the wrong field.
If that’s what florists who don’t cater to the Kardashians, Oprah, and the Dalai Lama charge, I would imagine our guy Jeff is a little spendier. Considering this “modest” arrangement from Kimye in honor of Stormi’s birth costs a chill $5,000, and the “floral orgasm” he created for a Nigerian oil heirs wedding netted out at a chill $1.2M, it’s safe to assume Kris is spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on her Christmas decorations.
I skipped flavor in my latte this morning in a doomed attempt to save money for Christmas shopping, but it’s fine. When the revolution finally comes, here’s hoping Kris’ custom-made Parisian polar bear evades the guillotine.
Images: Kim Kardashian / Instagram; Giphy (2)