How Do I Quit My Job Like a Betch? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

I need some advice about quitting my job. I know that when you quit a job you're supposed to give like 2 weeks notice so that they have enough time to hire another betch who will try to live up to your standards, right? But, thats super awkward. I really don't feel like telling my boss how much I don't want to work for him anymore, just to have to keep working there for another 2 weeks. Isn't the whole point of quitting so that I don't have to work there anymore?

As a betch I really don't see anything wrong with sending him a farewell text and calling it a day. Am I supposed to care about how totally fucked the company will be if I just stop showing up? Because it really makes no difference to me. What do you think, should I give the 2 weeks notice or just say “fuck it” and dodge the angry phone calls?


Retiring Early


Dear Idiot Who's Retiring Early,

Unless your 'job' is that you're working the cashier at Carvel and you're fourteen years old, NO you cannot just send your boss a farewell text and not show up. Any kind of normal white collar job that someone who's probably even dumber than you hired you for in the first place for would be appalled at that sort of exit strategy.

A betch quits her job in the following way: she's extremely nice to her boss (who will probably be called for a reference at some point when you get another job) then you fuck around the next two weeks while doing a pretty online shopping at your desk and getting paid for it. Sure, betches don't give a shit about anyone but themselves but they also don't want to be known around the corporate world as a flaky moron. Stop avoiding mild confrontations because they're “super awkward”. This is your professional life and affects other people's lives, not a run in with an ex-boyfriend at a party. Stop being socially retarded and have an uncomfortable conversation.

They probably were going to fire you anyway,

The Betches


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