How Do I Not Scare Away A Nice Guy? Ask A Pro

Dear Betch,

I am infamously known for my horrible taste in men. Well let me be more specific; I date super hot guys, they just all end up being losers, assholes, tool bags…you get the picture. I'm a pro when it comes to getting what I want, when I want it (usually)… aka smart betch with an agenda. I was able to always make these loser guys (but hot) want me and even want to be serious with me because I'm like actually going somewhere in life and even have a pretty face accompanied with an infectious personality. But after having my heart broken again, I finally learned that I needed to seriously reevaluate my choice in guys.

I'm honestly semi outrageous. Also, my only experience with guys is with a douchey type. Recently I happened to meet a really nice guy. He's deff cute and totally nerdy. He's got an impeccable resume. Sounds like he comes from a nice family too. And better yet, (it was completely unexpected) but I got along so well with him. We were like insta bffs laughing and flirting all night and even dancing. I ended up going home with him obv and we've even hung out a few times since then. We also have been texting on and off.

What I need to know is how do I get a “nice” boy to not only like an over the top betch like myself, but how do I get him to actually want to date me? Better yet, how do I not scare him away?

Pretty Betch Chasing a Nerd

Dear Pretty Betch,

Yes, your personality is clearly infectious, not unlike AIDS. I also grow tired of the try-hard attempts to live up to the “ethos” of this site: You could have said that he’s smart and serious about his career, well-raised and personable. Instead, we get “impeccable resume,” “comes from a nice family” and that you got along with him “unexpectedly.” The former would have made me hate this at least 28% less. Anyone who refers to themselves as “semi outrageous” and “over the top” deserves to be forever obligated to be a bridesmaid in each of Kim Kardashian’s subsequent weddings. Hint: If that’s how you describe yourself, you could get more to the point by saying “incredibly obnoxious and self-centered.”

Anyhow, I don’t think you need to really “do” anything, because it sounds like (against all odds and logic) this guy seems to like you just fine. Maybe what you confuse for “nerdiness” is just him being a little more withdrawn, in which case he might appreciate the more outgoing personality foil you provide. If you don’t want to scare him off, just tone it down a little, couch your self-interests for a while and actually attempt to get to know him. Do not vomit on his shoes, and do not make repeated references as to how “OMG YOU GUYS WE’RE SO RIDICULOUS RIGHT NOW #YOLO.” You can still be your outgoing self without making a spectacle out of of just how much of yourself you’re being. You don’t need to become a churchmouse, but brazen disregard for societal norms isn’t a good look, either.

Contrary to the classic Paula Abdul ft DJ Scat Cat song, opposites don’t always attract. If you find yourself irresistible to douchebags, it may be a case of reaping what you sow.

Semi Outrageous Kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 4 years now. We met in college and like any relationship we have had some serious bumps in the road, but always seem to end up together. After I graduated college, I relocated three hours from home to live together. I truly do love and care about him and don’t want to be with anyone else but there are so many things that I dislike about him.

I am a planner and although we are only 23 years old, I don’t want to waste any more time on a relationship where I feel like he can’t be the man I WANT to spend the rest of my life with. It’s simple responsibilities that make me second guess our relationship; taking out the garbage, picking up after himself, maybe making dinner one night a week. As a woman I don’t think these are ridiculous things to ask for. My biggest problem with him is he is terrible financially. He is constantly playing “catch-up” with money, so of course I am giving him money for gas and paying the bills. He is paying me back for his half when he can but still I question who I am involved with.  I have tried to have multiple conversations but constantly get dismissed on how he’s trying and I need to relax. But here we are 5 months later living together and nothing has changed. Am I nagging too much or should I stick up for what I feel I deserve out of a partner? I am really torn on what to do and need some insight. Please help!

Young and in love

Dear Young and in Love,

Well golly gee, it’s almost as though people who decide to be life partners at 19 often turn out to just be impetuous, idealistic teenagers. Your college lives must have been very enriching. Also, I actually spit out my coffee when I read “I truly do love and care about him and don’t want to be with anyone else but there are so many things that I dislike about him.” You cannot “truly love someone” about whom you dislike so many things. That is not how love works.

I’m of two minds on this. On the one hand, your boyfriend doesn’t sound much different from most 23 year old boys, including myself at that age. If he’s never had to live on his own (this was not made clear), it’s possible he doesn’t realize how much work goes into maintaining a household, even a small apartment. There’s definitely a compelling indictment somewhere in there of young men today in general, but this is the hand you’ve chosen to play. If that’s how you want to look at it, then sure: Stick up for what you believe and assign him responsibilities to help usher him into adulthood.

On the other hand, the longer you stay with him, the longer you’re allowing yourself to fall into a hole out of which it will become increasingly difficult to climb. Though I suspect you weren’t all that forthcoming with your plans to vault immediately into adulthood and domesticity upon graduation, the fact remains that you have goals, and your boyfriend is a hindrance, not a help. The finances are particularly troubling; it’s an actual, quantifiable measure of the degree to which he’s limiting your success. There is no amount of teenage romance that justifies sacrificing your future to support a deadbeat partner.

The first thing you have to do is attempt to determine the cause of his slacking. Is it ignorance, or just laziness? Is he really that bad financially, or did you erroneously plan to move somewhere that he couldn’t afford? Figure out what you think it is, and then decide if you’re willing to pay the cost to fix it. It’s possible that it could be worth a little coaching to help him see the virtues of responsibility, but given that your relationship blossomed at a time when you considered Natty Light a food group, I doubt it.

Yet another example of why moving in together isn’t always a good idea,

Head Pro


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