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How Do I Let A Guy Know I Want To See Him Without Looking Desperate? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

Normally I completely have my shit together in most situations, but I do think I need the advice of you Betches, as I'm a loyal reader for many years now.

Anyway, I dated a guy last year (my senior year of college) and we had a great time together or whatever. By association, I then became close with his best guy friend, like super close… Every week I'd get wasted AF with both of them which would reveal some interesting things. I definitely always felt a sexual tension with his best friend as he was third-wheeling.

Anyway, my boyfriend and I broke up in April or whatever… So graduation was just around the corner. The best friend of my ex boyfriend was like…suddenly MY best friend and we started spending every minute together and obviously we became even closer. I guess one might say feelings developed between us. One night we ended up having sex in an elevator and then took it back to my place. We always ended up in really hot sexual scenarios.

Graduation happened, he moved to LA, and I moved to NYC obviously. We kinda stopped talking as much, and I discovered that he's dating some really gross bitch who's like, still a senior at our college.

My question is, how do I act when I see him next? I'm going to be in LA on business in 2-3 months and I want to seem so hot and unattainable, and most importantly superior to the whole situation. The main problem is that I still care. Do I text him that I'm visiting? Or should he candidly find out from one of my instagram posts or something?

What do you think?


Elevator Betch

Dear Solange,

This is actually pretty easy. The first thing you need to do is ask yourself: do you want to see him while you’re in LA? If the answer is “no” or “meh,” do nothing.

If the answer is “yes” or “kinda but like I still wanna come out winning,” it’s more complicated but not really. Guys are fucking idiots and the odds of him casually finding out about your trip from Instagram or something (ahead of time, no less) are pretty much the same as the odds of the Kardashians fading into obscurity sometime soon. So, at some point you’ll have to let him know you’re going to be there. Choose your medium of choice (text, Facebook message, sliding up in his Instagram DM’s, idrc).

Here’s how you still win: make the initial inquiry, and let him handle it from there. If he wants to see you, he’ll make it happen. Bombard him with “So did you get my text?” “Where are we going?” “What day works for you?” “Are we still on for coffee??!?!?!” texts and the last thing you’ll look is hot, unattainable, or superior to the situation.

Important: don’t text him until like the week before because a) guys can’t plan in advance for shit and b) it’ll make you look like you’ve been waiting months to see him, fucking duh.

I told you that was easy,

The Betches