I started casually seeing a guy over the summer. I live in London full-time, and he lives in Dubai but comes back here a lot. We went on a couple dates while he was here, about 10 or so. We were both really into each other, although there's a ten-year age gap between us (he's 28 and I'm 18). Keep in mind that this isn't weird/taboo like in America, since age of consent is 16. He’s seriously perfect, I tend to like older guys, but otherwise, he has the intellect/the looks/the personality/ the money.
I then went to NYC for the rest of the summer, and he stayed in Dubai (7 hour time difference). We spoke every second of the day though, he would even wake me up with texts, etc. He relies on very little sleep, so when I went to sleep he would sleep as well; completely in sync. It was really lovey-dovey, and the feeling was definitely mutual. His friends knew about me as well. We spoke about having a long distance relationship, which is what this basically was, and he told me he wanted to win me over and he was completely set on having me.
I got back to London and the time difference was back to 2 hours. Then he went to California for a bit, so he was 7 hours behind. When he came back to Dubai, we continued to speak, but much less frequently. I get it: I have school and he has work, we have our lives. But what confuses me is that he had work the whole summer, so why the sudden change?
Then, in early October he told me he was coming to London. I saw him, all we did was have sex/mess around. I was fine with that, until he left and we legitimately stopped speaking. Short conversations once a week, I’m not even kidding.
Thinking back about the shit he said to me this summer, I seriously want to cry because it was so amazing. Because now everything is actual shit.
I asked him what was up between us because we went from 100 to 0 so quickly and he responded being like, “oh nothing, I just hate talking to people when I can’t invite them over and see them. I haven’t been communicative with anyone lately, really. I’ll let you know when I’m in London, obviously.” Sorry but what the actual fuck, we spoke EVERY SINGLE DAY thousands of miles apart with different time zones! Is that a joke?!
I shrugged it off, and then that weekend he out of nowhere texts me saying that he’s coming in to London for the night because he has a meeting. I see him, we don’t have sex, but it was good, I think.
But then… Radio silence again. On top of it, he forgets my fucking birthday which we’ve spoken about before 1,000 times and the only reason why he even remembers is because I had to drop the hint while we were on the phone ON MY BIRTHDAY. Since then, we’ve spoken once, which was just awkward as fuck and was him basically:
HIM: Hey how are you? Can I call you? Avoiding Whatsapp.
ME: Five minutes x
HIM: Speak tomorrow, it’s midnight here and have to sleep.
*** what the fuck happened when literally the week before he told me that he wanted to train himself to sleep only 4 hours.
What is the deal with this guy? I feel fucked over, blame it on me for getting involved with someone who’s so much older. I can’t stop thinking about him or the things he said to me this summer, but I don’t know what happened or what went wrong. Is he just not interested at all? I don’t get it.
I really like him but this hurts, and at this point I think I need some tough love from a betch.
A seriously helpless betch
Dear Aspiring Novelist,
Can I first acknowledge that this is legit the longest letter I have ever read, and the fact that it actually included a fucking dialogue literally kills me. Secondly, and because you said you wanted tough love, I have the obligation to tell you that you are a certified fucking idiot. Maybe that hurts your feelings, but you knew this would happen.
An 18 year old dating a 28 year old is bizarre AF pretty much in every non-third-world country that you go to, no matter the age of consent. It’s not even the issue of legality, it’s more the issue of being at completely different stages in your life. This guy is old, probs trying to get married and isn’t trying to fuck around with a teenager like you for very long. Even though you say that everything is super “lovey-dovey”, it’s obviously not because he straight up hit it and quit it the moment you let him sleep with you.
I also would like to point out that this guy seems like a goddam weirdo. No offense, but if he has “the money/looks/brains/blah blah” why in the world is he pursuing an 18 year old in another country? Here’s why: he’s fucking weird and no one his age (or in his time zone, which you constantly refer to) wants to date him. The fact that he is trying to train himself to sleep four hours a night baffles me. Like, who the fuck does that? Beyond that, having your schedule “in synch” doesn’t mean you two are soul mates. It just means that he’s staying up late hoping that you’ll be down for some late night phone sex or he lost track of time while playing Call of Duty in his underwear.
In my honest and not very humble opinion, it’s time for you to move the fuck on. You’re an 18 year-old student living in London, which is one city that us betches love. You need to stop crying over this dinosaur, who clearly used you for some moderately simulating convos and a weekend of constant sex, and get out there. You say you love older guys, but older guys have different life goals than you. You need to realize that before you get so obsessed with them and have your heart broken- because it’s going to keep happening, FYI.
Your summer romance went from 100-0 because it’s November now, and everyone knows that you don’t make summer flings last (and that’s what you were to him- a summer fling). It’s time to put on a scarf, drink a peppermint mocha and get on with your life.
Hope that fulfilled your tough love request,