How Do I Deal With Being Pale as Fuck? Dear Betch…

Dear Betch,

Next week my boyfriend is taking me to Miami and it is going to be reallllyy sunny. For most betches, this would be a great opportunity to sunbathe away by the pool… the only problem for me is I don't tan. I was born a ginger, but over the years my hair has changed. Unfortunately my skin hasn't, and it basically reflects light. As the betch that I am I want to look as hot a possible, but I don't know if I can pull that off while lathering up my 100 SPF sunscreen….

My boyfriend doesn't know about my albino problem yet, (I am not actually albino… thank god..) because we have only been dating since this Winter…. Do you think that I should tell him and see how he reacts? Do guys really care if a girl is tan or not? I thought about getting a spray tan a while ago, but I feel like that is really trashy and I'm not really that kind of girl…. Should I just play it fake and get the spray tan to fit in with the rest of Miami? Or should I embrace my ginger skin and keep it au naturel?


Albino Betch

Dear Albino Betch,

How whipped are you by your boyfriend that you're afraid to have a discussion with him about how well you tan? I mean the way you're talking about it sounds like you're trying to conceal a teenage abortion or that fact you killed a man in Iraq. You're fucking pale. If he's not blind, that's something he's well aware of.

If he can't deal with the fact that you tend to sunburn easily you really need to reevaluate what kind of asshole you're hanging out with. Sure you can get a spray tan if you want, but do that for you, not for him. The biggest turnoff for a guy won't be that you have the pigment of Nicole Kidman but that you're too insecure to own who you are and just have fun.

Stay pale and thin,

The Betches

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