Help, I Got Too Drunk At A Work Happy Hour – Ask A Pro

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Dear Head Pro,

I just graduated in May and recently started working in finance. I studied math in school, so as you can probably guess, the department I am in is extremely male dominated. In fact, I am the only female out of the seven new hires in my department. We were at an all department happy hour last week, and I was trying to keep up with the guys, and ended up blacking out pretty early in the night. I woke up the next morning naked in bed with one of my co-workers. I have no idea what happened for the second half of the happy hour, and I have no recollection at all of sleeping with my co-worker.

The co-worker I slept with has been avoiding me at work since, and I feel really uncomfortable because I don’t know what I did or said to people at the happy hour or who in the office knows what I did after. I guess I just need advice as to how to bounce back from this. I want my colleagues to take me seriously in a professional setting, and I’m worried I may have ruined my chances of having a successful career in just one night. I think it’s extra difficult because I am the only girl, and guys tend to judge girls who do things like this. Do you think there’s anything I can do to mitigate the effects of this and make people take me seriously again?

Not a college betch anymore

Yeesh, I know that feel. There are a couple of silver linings here. One, just about everyone you’re working with has done (or eventually will do) precisely what you’re describing. Two, you don’t need to worry too much about being taken seriously professionally  – whether you’re an all-star or get drunk and fuck your entire department, no one much cares what 22 year-old entry level employees are up to. That’s particularly true in finance, where you’re paid ungodly sums of money to spend criminally long hours doing things that, by and large, could be done by machines. Like, if you can’t be expected to get blackout drunk after spending 95 hours working on pitchbooks, what can they expect of you?

What you have to keep in mind here is that time heals all wounds. Your male coworker could be avoiding you for any number of reasons. I suspect it might have to do with the fact that what transpired likely wasn’t consensual in the technical sense, but that’s a different discussion. Really, the only thing you can do to repair your reputation (if it was even damaged, since you’re not sure) is to not do The Thing again. Next time you go to happy hour, laugh off any shit they give you, and turn it around if you can. Most importantly, leave if you feel you’ve overindulged. Will they talk shit about you? Possibly, but at least you’re not giving them anything more to talk about. Over time, rehashing the same story will get old, and they’ll drop it.

Eventually there will be a new crop of new hires who will get too drunk and do bad things at happy hour. Maybe you could even have sex with one of them! It’s a wonderful time to be alive.

Dear Head Pro,

I’ve been living in Asia for the past five years where the dating pool is almost non-existent.  The men here are basically the western world’s rejects who couldn’t find a wife in their own country. Dating US military men is honestly the worst.  There are language plus cultural barriers that put most Asian men in the undatable category.  I will be moving back to DC next month.  Have been getting different perspectives on the dating scene, and what to expect.  Feel like I’ve been out of touch with reality for so long, and not looking forward to the culture shock.  Recently read an article on Wallstreet Insanity attempting to be funny, but came off as more bitter that I’m hoping doesn’t accurately reflect dating in DC. Could use some insight. 

Lost in Translation

I mean, I think you’re being a little dramatic here. Like, not in your assessment of trying to date abroad; that sounds shitty. But assuming you’re an adult and have been since you’ve been in Asia, I really hope there won’t be much of a “culture shock” when you return to your country of origin. Saying so makes you sound like those annoying cuntwaffles who spend a summer abroad and mysteriously come back with British accents and idioms. No, asshole, I don’t want to come back to your “flat” in Brooklyn, and there’s no way you forgot that here in ‘Murica, we put the article “the” in front of the word “hospital.”

As for the dating scene in DC specifically and those articles you’ve been reading, just know that it’s in any website’s business interests to try to make each city’s dating scene unique in some way. It never is. Every five years or so some stupid website writes an “investigative” article that declares dating is dead, when really all the author did was talk to a handful of the most insufferable young stereotypes inhabiting a city. In New York it’s finance people, in DC it’s the Hill crowd, in San Francisco it’s tech bros and in Portland I assume it’s their robust homeless population.

The point is, don’t let some dumb website scare you off the dating scene in a particular city. Sure, there are bound to be small cultural variations, but at their core everyone is looking for people to meet, date and maybe fuck. Major cities are diverse places, and wherever you go you’re bound to find people whose interests align with yours.

Dear Head Pro,

My boyfriend of over a year and a half broke up with about 3 months ago towards the end of the semester. Basically told me he didn’t think he loved me anymore and wanted to focus on going out and partying. He then went on trying to be “friends” so we would have a “better chance of getting back together in the future”.. Texting me all the time and constantly checking up on what I was doing. Half way through the summer we started hooking up again and it was clear that nothing had changed so I ended it, and completely cut him out of my life.

Going back for my senior year in less than a month I’m nervous about seeing him everywhere and how he is going to act… We have all the same friends and my school is pretty small so I know he will constantly be around. I’m worried he is either going to try to get me back and cause drama or just completely throw other girls in my face. I need an honest guys opinion of how to just get over it and move on. What is the best advice you can give for a girl going into her last year of college being single without letting her ex hold her back?


What you have going for you is that senior year you’re too busy doing fun shit to get mired in some dumb ass college romance bullshit. I mean, that’s not universally true – plenty of people find themselves dealing with drama as they prepare to leave the college incubator. It’s just that unlike your underclassmen years, you have enough of the future figured out and a strong enough social network that you won’t feel as helpless and alone when annoying shit happens.

Not that it requires much focus or encouragement, but your best bet is to spend most of your time having fun. Like, doing activities, getting shitfaced with friends, having ill-advised dalliances with attractive men, etc. As you said, there’s no telling what your ex will do – he could do nothing, or he could do either of the things you proposed. The good news is that throwing girls in your face will only make him look pathetic, and if he tries to get back with you it shouldn’t matter, because you’re the one who dumped him, right?

Ultimately, whether or not he “holds you back” is up to you. If you allow someone who told you not once, but twice that you aren’t all that important to him, then nothing I can tell you is going to make a difference.

Dear Head Pro,

I feel like an idiot but I need help. This guy started chasing me over a year ago but I never really took him seriously. He seemed like a player and I was into another guy. A few months later we drunkenly hooked up which turned into every weekend, by my choosing. He would text me daily and always ask me on dates but I just sort of blew it off. However, our relationship sort of progressed unofficially and at some point I realized that we were talking all the time and I really liked him. Naturally, this freaked me out so I got weird. Originally he liked how carefree I was but realizing I REALLY liked him made me overthink everything.

I was scared to date him because I think my gut was that I would get hurt. We finally went on our first date and I was really weird and off. When I get nervous I act overly confident and I think I turned him off. It was really just because I was so nervous and liked him. I had texted him that I wanted to go out again and he said We would after his work trip but then never texted me when he got back. Now it’s been a month and I’ve texted him first a couple time but he’s obviously being cold towards me. This seems like a clear message but I really like this guy and I’m hoping I have a chance. He’s asked me where I was (giving me hope of a date) but unfortunately I was out of town. Now I’m back in town and want to see him. He’s constantly flirting with other girls online and has started ignoring my snapchats. After all this time I finally realized I’m practically in love with him just at the moment he finally moved on. I really like him can you give me any advice or is it really a lost cause?

An idiot who waited too long

See a therapist. And no, there’s nothing you can do here.

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