157. Hating the WGG

As a social betch with a drinking schedule more jampacked than Octomom's fallopian tubes, we often find ourselves in the same room as annoying bitches. Anyone who pretends to have guy friends is all too aware of the WGG. She's a fraternity staple, the social climber of the cock. No, we’re not talking about tomboys, softball players, or Sam Ronson. We’re talking about the Wannabe Guys' Girl.

The WGG is the girl who will non-casually mention that she “just happens to get along with guys better than girls” …when no one fucking asked. While nice girls might find that offensive to hear, betches will just be happier they have one less person to invite to their pregames. The irony lies in the fact that she thinks she's using us for people to talk shit with when really we talk shit about her…more often than not, in front of her face.

In more words than one, the WGG is a huge joke.

hating guys girl“I'm sooo into sports.'”

Because she's not a betch and therefore can't relate to the caste, she thinks we don't know she spent last night ripping bongs with our boyfriends and ignoring our text messages. Interestingly enough, our boyfriends are simultaneously texting us the nonsensical shit that's coming out of her large mouth.


You can find the WGG at every guys' pregame, party, tailgate, urologist appointment…anywhere she may recruit a new dick for her movement Occupy Orifice. Fraternities are a feeding ground for The WGG and she is, by definition, a frat fly–the first one to arrive, “they'll kill me if I don't show up for the first shot!!” and the last to leave, wandering their chapter room until 4 in the morning just waiting to fuck someone for the story…to share with her female imaginary friends.

You can easily spot and blacklist the WGG because she's the girl who:

Dresses like a skank but always opts for flats: because she’s “chill”, when really she just never had friends to tell her this is unacceptable. We wouldn't put it past her to go barefoot because she's like wayyy too down to earth for shoes.

Buys her own drinks at the bar: This is some sort of twisted ‘independence’ thing for her, but we know the truth. Independence is reserved for colonies and Kelly Clarkson.

Pretends to enjoy sports, beer, and/or video games: Any girl who throws out the “I'm busy later, I'm playing ball with the boys” is probably sitting on the sidelines of a basketball game she was barely invited to. She takes empty gesture invitations from guys as a sign of love.

On that note, she will often call the guys she's loosely friends with, “The Boys.” They call her, 'that chick who wants to fuck all of us.'


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