Cheaters, scammers, and liars have more than their inner circle to answer to these days. Going viral for oversharing online is low-key America’s favorite pastime, and exposing bad behavior seems to be the most addictive category of content. The arc of the moral universe might be long IRL (fun, I know), but the internet’s “this you?” power can unleash instant justice — receipts or not. But with how often there’s a new virtual public enemy #1, it’s making me question: is this even fun anymore?!
Don’t get me wrong, I had my pitchfork and can opener ready the day Twitter took down Bean Dad. But after encountering a zillion internet offenders, it’s getting, IDK, kind of tired and maybe even way harsh, Tai. The Bible popped off with the oneliner “what’s done in the dark will come to light,” but there are a few reasons I think lighting up randoms online doesn’t provide the spark it once did. I hate to say it (and don’t roast me for this), but dunking on internet villains like a mass mob full of Lebron Jameses is entering weird territory, I fear.
When Kendra Hilty sat in the internet’s hot seat (after going viral for falling in love with her psychiatrist), instant followers threw out every label in the book despite Kendra clarifying her diagnoses by medical professionals. Hundreds of users called her “mentally ill and a liar,” something Kendra told me was the worst part of going viral when we spoke on the phone.
When I asked Kendra about any regrets regarding protecting her psychiatrist’s identity, knowing he could not defend himself because of HIPAA, Kendra admitted that in the early parts of her storytime, she should’ve made it “more about me and my own experience than what I think is going on with the other person,” because her intent was just to connect with others who may have had a similar experience. The discourse about the ethical concerns of Kendra’s content was valid, but many critics used those concerns to justify openly diagnosing Kendra.
Listen, I love a juicy “Who TF Did I [Fill In The Blank]” series as much as the next nosy nelly. Like, I can’t think of the last time I scrolled past a TikTok recounting a nightmare roommate, evil ex, or trash-coworker past one because frankly, chisme is good for my soul. But as someone who has also been in the middle of messy roommate drama (not literally, I’m a cleaning angel), or unnecessary work drama, I can’t help but think about one of my former opps might spin a story about me. Even though I back my actions to the death (in true Scorpio behavior), their perspective, often shared without hard receipts and colored by our own lived experience, could easily convince the comment section otherwise.
That thought alone doesn’t bother me, because, well, I’d still know I was right (duh). But what would bother me is if internet detectives connected the dots to dig up my personal details without my consent, so I got put on blast as the internet’s main character. Because then I’m left with two shitty options: defend myself on main or face repercussions as serious as losing my livelihood because of one-sided opinions. I’m not saying talking shit online should (or even can) come to an end. But consider this my official petition to stop identifying and doxxing every nameless faceless presumed supervillain, at least without hard evidence.
I know, I know, it’s so fun to hear one side of the story and then have it flipped on its head when the algorithm brings you back. But think about all the days innocent parties have spent turning comments off until they figured out a way to prove their case. More than that, do we really need a pound of flesh over infractions as pedestrian as being kind of an asshole in a breakup?
I’m not talking about posters asking for help re: potentially criminal, dangerous, or consumer scam-related scenarios that deserve to be whistleblown. I’m talking about insular interpersonal drama that doesn’t really merit exposing everything but the accused’s social security number online so that the internet can get knee-jerk closure.
What’s more unfair is that the fallout spreads to innocent bystanders. In the case of the Coldplay Cheaters, for example, it seems that no one considered that Astronomer Andy Bryron’s wife would have to deal with his scarlet A being made front-page news just as much as he would. Don’t get me wrong, cheating is for sure two thumbs down, dog behavior. But as someone who caught up on the drama a little late, I was confused why the awkward incident involving private randos was getting Scandoval-level exposure. With no idea what was going on in the life of any of the players involved, the initial memes and jokes seemed more fitting than the fiery backlash (though his resignation was due to company policy).
In addition to the fact that innocent until proven guilty doesn’t apply to Jools Lebron’s internet, it’s actually v frightening how comfortable people have gotten with dropping unsolicited observations like they are facts. Like, a girl will be doing a GRWM and all of a sudden there’s a comment insisting they can see through the screen that she has a flesh-eating disease. This unfiltered diagnosing of literal strangers is harsh and often done en masse when the storytimer is deemed an unreliable narrator.
The solutions for overdoing it with internet villains are within reach, if you ask me. Don’t do bad things if you don’t want people to talk about them is at the front of the TikTok code of conduct, but LBR, how long until we’re all at risk of becoming social media’s punching bag after one bad day, one misunderstanding, or even worse, some intentional lies? Taking maybe two whole seconds to ~consider the source~ (and give the other side a chance to share their truth) would be helpful for avoiding going all in on what may later come out as the wrong side of history. If someone posts a hot take that flops, consider making a thoughtful reply instead of DMing their entire bloodline about how horrible they are.
Creators need to stop making the subjects of their storytimes so easy to track down, if only for liability’s sake (America loves a lawsuit, honey). But commenters should also consider spending a little less time playing Nancy Drew if the story is being shared for entertainment. See how Reddit Subs hold the craziest scandals in the world, but nobody bothers trying to find the characters’ real names? We can still kiki without permanent consequences, I promise!
Even though everyone should know by now that the internet isn’t a safe space, dogpiling doesn’t help anyone who is oversharing on a sensitive subject to do better. If anything, someone’s perceived vulnerable mental state should be cause for pause to interact at all. Backing someone into a corner online to accept (by force) assumptions about their own body and identity probs isn’t going to deliver the happy ending in any story.
