Talking Shit Is Good For You, Science Says So

Once again an Italian has pulled the fuck through for betches everywhere: scientists at the University of Pavia discovered that women who gossip have higher levels of oxytocin aka the hormone that makes you happy. The Italian culture has given us Prosecco, pasta, and now, an excuse to spread rumors. God bless.

The researchers got 22 college women together and split them into two groups. One group gossiped about an accidental pregnancy (“I heard she wasn’t on the pill because she didn’t want to gain any weight so close to spring break”), and the other group had to listen to some girl whine about an athletic injury (I’m assuming it was CrossFit because she sounds like the worst). Basically, the experiment was like section for a huge lecture class, but one section had the cool TA and the other had the shitty one who gave pop quizzes.

After the group convos, the 22 women came together and had a casual discussion about why they participated in the study (money for wine) and what classes they were taking (the ones that don’t take attendance). Then they were tested for their levels of two hormones: cortisol, the stress hormone and oxytocin, the pleasure hormone. 

All of the women had lower cortisol levels after the experiment, probably because everybody felt way better about their lives compared to the school slut and the CrossFit bitch. But only the women who were in the gossip group had higher levels of oxytocin. That means gossiping releases oxytocin, oxytocin makes you happy, and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands. So to quote Carrie Bradshaw, “let’s gossip to get our heart rates up,” because talking shit is the new cardio. 

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