Go With Your Gut: Weekly Horoscopes May 11-15

Welcome to Mars in Pisces! This week, we’ll all be enjoying dreamy, creative Pisces energy. This week will be about following your intuition, going with the flow, and the occasional wine-fueled cry sesh. And by occasional I mean daily. Look, we’re all just doing the best we can right now, so let it out. No judgment.


With your ruling planet in Pisces, things are about to get dreamy. And we mean that literally. You may notice more vivid dreams this week (both the day and night varieties) as Mars chills out in this inquisitive sign. So like, if you haven’t already gotten the quarantine dream journal started, now is the time. It’s not like you’ve got anything better to do.


Mars in Pisces has you wanting to get out there and make new connections, but how do you do that when “out there” is full of infectious disease and all potential new friends have to stay six feet away? Go back through your rolodex and connect with with an old pal, or join an online community around something you already like. That way you can stop texting “I’m bored” to the same five people over and over.


With Mars in Pisces, you’re feeling motivated to get out of your comfort zone and try new things, particularly with regards to your career or field. Pisces is an extremely intuitive sign, so go with your gut when it comes to shaking up your routine, trying a new approach with your boss, or finding new ways to relate to your coworkers. And yes, this does also mean that the GIFs you send in the company Slack will be particularly inspired.


Mars in Pisces is pushing you to explore more and broaden those horizons, but that doesn’t mean now is the time to say YOLO and start licking subway poles (there is never a time for that). Now is the perfect time to learn something new, whether it be by signing up for an online course, or finally embarking on your journey to plant motherhood. Try not to kill all your children!


You’ve been losing your fucking mind trying to figure out where to direct your quarantine energy, but Mars in Pisces is here to say, “It’s Pinterest time, baby!” You’re feeling in touch with your artistic side this week, so find a creative outlet to really pour all your energy into and watch as the quarantine hours start flying by! Just in time for states to start reopening again…


This week has you focused on your relationship status, Virgo, and Mars in Pisces is giving you the confidence you need to speak your mind and get things on the right track. What you really want out of a relationship will start coming into focus, and you’ll finally be able to answer one of the most pressing questions of the modern era: is he the one, or is he just the one who is stuck in my apartment with me right now?


Health and fitness routines slacking under quarantine? Same girl, same. This week, expect wellness routines to come back into your life in unexpected ways. No, you won’t get the sudden urge to sign up for a 6am HIIT class, but you might find yourself taking longer socially distant walks than normal, or starting impromptu dance parties with your roommates. You might even find yourself doing the impossible: craving vegetables over pizza rolls.


Spring fever is hitting you hard, Scorpio. Normally you’d be out on the town flirting with anyone that has a name, but in light of the current situation that is probably not possible. No worries! Fire up the old apps and let yourself start as many conversations as possible, knowing full well they will never amount to anything. So like, how most men already acted during normal times.


Mars in Pisces will be lighting up your desire to stay the f*ck indoors, which is helpful but like… could you not have done this three weeks ago? Would have been helpful. Make the most of this astrological stay at home order by upgrading chez Sagittarius in whatever way is available to you. That could mean filling your Wayfair cart with abandon, or rearranging the sh*t you already have. Moving your bed to the other wall is 100% free (even if you do ultimately decide to move it back two days later.)


Don’t fight the urge to reach out to old pals or a neglected family member this week, Capricorn, as Mars in Pisces has you in the mood for a little TBT energy. This week will be all about reconnection for you, and as group Zooms start getting more and more niche (McKinley Middle School Bus 3 whaddup?!?), you shouldn’t feel shy reaching out to your old college roommate or hometown friend. And as an added bonus you can both talk sh*t about the girl you know who’s clearly not social distancing on Instagram.


While Mars in Pisces is turning most people into hippies, you were already a hippie, so it’s having the opposite effect. Funny how the universe works like that, eh? If you’ve been struggling for a little discipline, it’ll come roaring back this week as you’ll find the motivation to set the alarm a little bit earlier, or actually make the Zoom pilates class your sister keeps bugging you about.


Mars is in your sign for the first time in two years meaning now is the time to seize the day—with gloves on, of course. Listen to your intuition because it’ll be particularly sharp, especially around your goals and plans for the future. Pay attention to what you think will serve you, and what you feel like is probably a f*cking waste of time. I.e. every single calendar invite from Carole.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.