This New Theory About Trump's Weight Is Our Favorite Conspiracy Ever

Everybody stop what you’re doing — there is a movement taking the nation by storm and it’s crucial that you know about it. It’s called the “girther movement” and its basic concept is that Trump is fat. That sounds more like a fact than a theory or a movement, we know. We’re getting to the details, chill.

So, remember when Trump started a false rumor that Obama was not born in America? It’s almost like spreading racist lies is a hobby of his. Anyway, that was called the “birther movement” and it was a bunch of BS and Trump is a terrible person etc. etc. Well, now we have some payback for the McDonald’s Customer of the Year current president. And it is the girther movement. Time to get in-formation.

What is it: A movement to set the record straight and prove that Trump is fatter than White House says he is.

Where did it come from? Trump underwent his physical exam and was reported to be in great physical shape. And then anyone with eyes was like, “lol no.” MSNBC’s Chris Hayes coined the actual term “girther movement” and now he will go down in history as a national hero.

What are some of the hot deets? So glad you asked. The results of the exam stated that Trump is  6’3 and 239lbs, with a Body Mass Index of 29.9. What’s important to note here is that his New York driver’s license says he is 6’2, and if Trump was an inch shorter or a pound heavier he would be officially classified as obese. Seems suspicious to me.

The doctor credited the president’s health to “incredible genes,” which is easily refutable with a quick google search of Trump’s sons. They are so ugly it’s honestly offensive. Also, Exhibit B: Trump himself. If those are good genes I quit.

The president also scored a 30 out of 30 on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment test, meaning his mental capacity is in good shape as well. Before you start a movement about how this is also a lie, please note that the test is mostly naming animals and drawing hands on clocks, so maybe let this one go. Congrats, everyone, our president can name a giraffe when he sees one and even knows how to tell time. A big day for us all.

Now, let’s take to twitter and push this Girther Movement. DRAG [CLAP EMOJI] HIM.

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Irene Merrow
Irene Merrow
Irene makes jokes, understands politics, and has legit perfect eyebrows, all in a day’s work. Dumb bitch women really can have it all! This bio took her three days and five nightmares to write.