The 'Girls' Characters Ranked By Betchiness

It’s no secret that we at Betches loveee HBO’s Girls. I, mean, what’s not to love about 4 fuck ups college graduates in their 20s living in Brooklyn and dating bros who have less of a career than them? Omg such inspirations.

And since the series finale is coming up in a few weeks and the Girls are finally getting out of Brooklyn (I assume) let’s rank them in terms of betchiness, k?

7. Elijah

Being v talented and knowing you’re talented AF is the definition of a try-hard and sooo not betchy. Like, can you please be a little less self-absorbed and stop putting down your best friends with fire one-liners?

6. Marnie

Like Elijah, Marnie is also a try-hard. At one point she even owns a gym membership to Equinox and takes back an ex-boyfriend solely because he gets rich AF. So shady, Marn.

P.S. ^^Sure, Jan.

5. Jessa

It’s so not cool that she stole Hannah’s boyfriend from her. Like, you may have a cool AF accent and travel everywhere and have rich parents and a trendy drug problem but that does NOT mean you can play with other people’s hearts, Jessa.

4. Shoshana

There’s something about this girl (perhaps the neurosis?) that just says: “I totally want her to rush my sorority.”

3. Adam

Watch out, Chuck Bass! We’ve got another fuckboy to rival your top spot on our TV fuckboy list. Just because you have money, Bass, doesn’t mean you can buy Adam’s charisma.

What a poet. Ladies, am I right?



2. Ray

He’s so wise and down to earth and he’d definitely never let someone he’s dating treat him like shit like the rest of the losers on this show.

Like, ever.

1. Hannah

Aka the biggest betch of them all. Hannah is, like, so talented and such an inspiration for modern women. I mean her work ethic is v impressive.

She even wrote a book that is definitely not sad or handwritten.

She’s nailed the art of #215 the Humble Brag.

And she’s definitely the sexiest character on the show too.

She’s always up on the latest fashion trends.

Seriously, where did you buy that shirt, girl?? Fingers crossed they have it at Urban Outfitters.

And of course they way she lifts up her friends during hard times is what really seals her betch fate.

You can sit with us, girl.

Ryanne Probst
Ryanne Probst
Ryanne wants you to know that her name is pronounced “Ryan” and that this is her childhood trauma. Formerly published as “It’s Britney, Betch” she’s the resident recapper for all things ‘Bachelor.' When she’s not talking sh*t, she’s drinking $8 wine and contemplating ways to burn ABC studios down to the ground. Catch her on Instagram (@ryprobst) where she’s either posting pictures of her dog or sliding into the DMs of former reality TV dating stars (you know who you are).