Get Ready For Hibernation: Weekend Horoscopes Dec. 11-13

We’re in the final countdown for this absolute dumpster fire of a year. Soon we’ll be in 2021 and maybe, just maybe, we’ll have hope again. If not, I’m sure we all stocked up on enough loungewear and booze to get to at least 2022. The stars haven’t (and aren’t) doing much to help, especially this weekend. So, we say stock up on Cheetos and true crime docs before settling in Friday through Sunday.


Go to bed early on Friday, Sagittarius, cause some weird f*cking dreams await. Get up late on Saturday and relax the day away. It’s a good idea to stay away from drinking, since the stars are prepared to f*ck your sh*t up if you have one too many glasses of wine. Sunday is ideal for calling up loved ones or seeing friends at a socially distanced spot to share your good mood.


It’s good to be helpful, Capricorn. Even though 2020 has been garbage and you aren’t that into the idea of leaving your nest, use Saturday to volunteer or otherwise be a good person. Afterwards, the planets want you to reward yourself with a takeout feast of chips, salsa, and gossip, so plan for a socially distanced or virtual date with your bestie. Sunday is for being lazy, so embrace that sh*t and binge watch something and work on the butt groove you’ve formed in your couch.


Get ready to fire up your work email from home on Friday night and Saturday morning, Aquarius. Although we’re all for keeping your laptop closed during your weekends, it may be beneficial for you to stay in touch with projects and your boss even after you sign off for the day on Friday. Just stay out of any workplace drama and keep it profesh, even though Bob from accounting and Nina from marketing are totally Zoom dating and you wanna tell everybody.


Wrangle your energy, Pisces. You may feel kind of all over the place emotionally this weekend, but you can double down on your learned coping mechanisms (like takeout and aggressive treadmill sessions) and work through the feelings. Pro tip: don’t check your email this weekend. Work will survive without you, and you need a little R&R to spend with yourself and your S.O. If you’re single, it’s a great weekend to swipe around and see if anyone special has hit the apps.


Schedule in some alone time on Friday night and Saturday, Aries. We don’t mean alone time, like, with a friend in a bedroom and the lights off. We mean staying away from people altogether, since the moon will be majorly f*cking up your mood and ability to communicate. Luckily, by Sunday things will have evened out, so it’ll be a good time to have that tough convo you’ve been putting off with your bestie, SO, or mom.


It’s all about relationships this weekend, Taurus. Although Friday night and part of Saturday may feel contentious and like every discussion is about to turn into a fight, try to hold yourself back and bite your tongue. It’s just the planets making you irritable. Sunday, things will feel back to normal, and it’s a great day to tackle a project with your S.O. Paint a wall, build a pillow fort, or do a stupid puzzle after chugging wine together.


Drink to your health this weekend, Gemini. And by that, we totally mean chug a kombucha and go for a jog or head to a socially distanced outdoor yoga class. It’s all about treating yourself and healing your mind and body, so whatever needs to happen to get that situation going, lean in. Sunday, the stars want you to focus on partnership, so try to compromise with your S.O. and order something you both hate for dinner.


Try not to freak out at anyone or anything on Friday, Cancer. The moon is making you super sensitive, like, to the point where maybe you shouldn’t be around other people. It’s cool come Saturday, when you’ll be a little more ready to associate with society. Sunday is for ignoring work for an additional 24 hours. Trust us, you probably don’t get paid enough to care about it on a weekend.


Stay inside and do some work, Leo. The planets are making you super sulky and not fun to be around, so it’s best to throw yourself into solo projects that require little talking or interacting with others. You’ll feel back to normal after a good night’s sleep Sunday morning, so make a plan to head outdoors and enjoy nature or just sit on an outdoor patio and eat brunch.


You’re living for learning this weekend, Virgo. Read a book, teach yourself how to make some kind of complicated Martha Stewart recipe, or just watch a lot of documentaries. On Sunday you’ll want to focus on your nest, so tidy up or tackle something creative to get yourself set for the (sigh) week ahead.


Check out your financial situation, Libra. If you’ve been hardcore behaving yourself and not #treatingyourself every time you felt like you deserved it this week, then you can totally reward yourself now. Or, you could make a big kid budget to follow for after the holidays—your call. Sunday is all about communication, so call your parents or bestie and catch up.


You’re feeling confident af this weekend, Scorpio. Even though there’s kind of nowhere to go, you can enjoy a date night in with your S.O. or plan a Facetime date with someone new if you’re single. Sunday, the fun comes to a screeching halt when the stars want you to look at your bank account. If you need to freeze your credit card to teach yourself a lesson, it’s fine. We’ve all been there.

Images: Toa Heftiba / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson