The Hottest Bros of Game of Thrones

So Game of Thrones isn’t everyone’s cup of summer wine, but for the betches out there who don’t mind a complicated plot line, some violence and a lot of boobs, we’ve done you the honor of ranking the hottest guys of the best show on tv. 

#11 Tyrion Lannister

Despite his dwarf qualities I must say the actor Peter Dinklage is quite ugly hot in this show, and serious props to him for monopolizing all midget roles in Hollywood. However, although he’s like the moral compass of the Lanni’s and yes he’s super smart and yes he’s so nice to Sansa but I just can’t watch another scene with his baby hands groping another nipple. I just can’t.

#10 Jorah Mormont

Jorah needs to steal his balls back from Khaleesi but other than that there’s something pretty hot about him despite the fact that he’s Dany T’s bitch.  

#9 Bran Stark

Bran’s got that teeny bopper thing going on minus the actual bopping. He can also talk to animals so he and Eliza Thornberry should totes find each other on tinder.

#8 Ned Stark

Excuse me, Eddard. Even without a head Eddard is the hottest older bro of the North. Ned = KONILF (king of the north I’d like to fuck)

#7 Renly Baratheon

Renly was (RIP) really hot in a Judd Apatow in his late twenties kind of way. We really wish you hadn’t died though, you would have been King’s Landing ultimate #52 gay BFF.

#6 Jaquen H’ghar

Jaquen is that really creepy mysterious soldier dude who killed the three guys upon Aryas request. But in Game of Thrones creepy mysterious soldier translates to tall dark and handsome so we’d really appreciate some more Jaquen H’ghar screen time if you know what we mean.

#5 Jaime Lannister

Jaime Jaime Jaime… can you just like, stop fucking your twin sister? I mean yes Cersei is attractive and it makes sense that you’d be attracted to your physical-female-counterpart but it’s ewwww. She’s a total trannister. But maybe now that you have one less hand she won’t be that into you and you’ll have to move on to bigger and not that much better things.

#4 Jon Snow

You’d think Jon would rank higher on our list but sorry, we’re just not into his whole “I’m so innocent, I wanna marry the wall, I get boners for gingers” bullshit. But despite the virgin thing, Jon’s hot. Winter’s coming, but Jon Snow is not.

#3 Khal Drogo

RIP. We really love Khal even though for about the first half of season one we thought his name was Carl. He was such a hot #158 foreign bro, had like really badass tattoos, and was a super good husband to Dani T. He even poured scorching metal all over her brother’s face! Swoon.

#2 Gendry

Robert Baratheon’s bastard son. Also from Skins. Also sooo hot. We’re waiting for Arya to get over the fact she’ll never have a penis, get a makeover, and hook up with this manly metal molder.

#1 Robb Stark

Number one hottie of the North. This bro has everything, a hot wife, position as king, the rest of his family on this hot list, and just the right amount of facial hair to be dubbed number one. Robb, the second B is for bro.

The Untouchables

Joffrey Baratheon and Theon Greyjoy … Just no.


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