When news broke that Fyre Festival was really an actual dumpster fire, I was downright gleeful. I think I speak for everyone when I say that there’s nothing funnier than rich millennials and “influencers” getting suckered into blowing a bunch of money on a “luxury festival,” only to find themselves in a situation more similar to a casting call for the next season of Survivor. Anyway, since we
reveled in their collective misfortune found out about this news, this shit has just kept getting worse (or better, if you’re me and you thrive off other people’s misery). First there was Ja Rule and Billy McFarland’s half-assed non-apology (that will serve as the inspiration for all my future non-apologies). Then we found out that Ja Rule was hit with a $100 million lawsuit, which seemed unnecessarily punitive considering there’s no way a man who hasn’t released a song since the mid-2000s is worth that much money. And now, the Fyre Festival drama just got juicier because Fyre Festival is taking legal action against those blasting the festival. So we should probably call the Betches lawyer now… BRB.
Okay, now that that’s done, here’s what has been going down (aside from Ja Rule’s projected net worth, I assume). On Monday TMZ reported that attorneys for Fyre Festival have been sending out cease and desist letters to people dragging the event on social media. Apparently they found one guy who was complaining that his “luxury tents” were actually disaster relief tents that were blowing over. “The lawyers said the statements were untrue and what’s worse, could ‘incite violence, rioting or civil unrest.'” Right, it’s definitely going to be some dude’s tweets about the festival conditions that incite violence and not the fact that people were forced to fight each other for sleeping accommodations because not enough tents were set up.
The lawyers added, “If someone innocent does get hurt as a result Fyre Festival will hold you accountable and responsible.” Pretty sure the only people who got hurt from the social media posts about Fyre Festival were, again, Billy McFarland and Ja Rule. It’s comforting to know, though, that the festival organizers had secured their scapegoat even before they successfully evacuated all the customers off the island. Guess somebody’s gotta take responsibility. So thank you, random Twitter user. I will be sure to direct all future complaints and criticisms towards the guy who exposed this scam for what it was, rather than the people who willingly sent hundreds of millennials to a completely unfurnished island with stray dogs.
What I thought would be a one-day meme has turned into a multi-day fiasco, and I just can’t wait to see how Fyre Festival turns out to be an even bigger shit show than we initially thought. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. Thank you, Ja Rule.