Despite the fact that you tuned out every time your boring neighbor in college would try and talk about them…we fucking get it, you interned for Obama… politicians and betches are a lot alike. Both can be ruthless, are fucking pros at the #41 Fake Smile, and make extremely questionable life decisions without facing any consequences.
And even though betches suck at #2 keeping up with the news, it’s always good to know a little bit about what’s going on in Washington and with the pros that are making decisions for the head betch that is #63 America. So we’ve gathered a bunch of news stories to help keep you in the know. If anything, you can bring up this shit at your next family dinner to make your grandparents think you’re, like, so well informed.
The French President’s visit proved selfies are universal
So, apparently, that guy who photo-bombed all of your #3 study abroad pics was at the White House last week.
French President Hollande’s visit with Barack Obama inspired hundreds of selfies by French journalists who were totally excited to be hanging out at La Maison Blanche.
The journalists have since been criticized for their “immature” and “embarrassing” behavior. Really though, who can blame them? They just wanted their photos to accentuate their best features…and to be angled from above so they look skinny.
Banks have officially been given the OK to work with marijuana dispensaries
At this point, we can just assume most of our government wants weed to be legalized, if only to make their meetings more bearable. Kind of like that astronomy class you took in college, you need to be high just to get through them.
FYI: Obama got rid of the debt ceiling… and Republicans got some weird-ass emails
On Saturday, Obama signed off on a bill lifting the debt ceiling after it passed in both the House and the Senate. However, leading up to the House vote, some republicans received a strange, anonymous email urging them to vote “no” on the bill.
The email, titled “FYI” (totes original), included threats of political retribution for those who voted “yes”, allegations that John Boehner has been lying, and claims that Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin.
But who wouldn’t write that?
There you have it, betches. Feel free to use this info to be better people convince your parents your Poli Sci degree was worth the 100k in tuition.