For the Lazy Betch: Slowcooking

If your Pinterest homepage is anything like mine, you may have noticed that it is positively littered with recipes involving slowcookers.

Slowcookers sound like they belong on the fake marble countertops of 40-something suburban moms who wear New Balance sneakers (ugh), but I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Slowcookers are the fucking epitome of lazy yet delicious cooking.

Apparently science has decided that if you cook your food for a long time at a low temperature, it goes all tender and tastes way better than something you made in ten minutes. Also the flavours get all single and ready to mingle and have the time to combine properly.

But the best part about slowcookers is that they are fucking simple to use. Perfect for betches who are used to being spoon fed by their sorority cook and don’t have a clue how to make anything more complicated than chopped salad.

Here's what you do:

Step one: Throw all your ingredients into the slowcooker

Step two: Turn it on and put it on the low setting

Step three: Go about your day. Go to work, go to school, run your errands, get a massage, get your nails done, do your shit. Just do not expend an iota of your energy thinking about your dinner. 

Step four: Come home when you please. It will taste more or less the same if it cooks for nine hours instead of eight. Betch don’t got no curfew.

Step five: Serve, but let it cool for a little bit before you dig in. This shit is usually burning hot when you first take it out.

As kitchen appliances go, this sits on the higher end of the betchy scale, just below the juicer. You can also make a fairly large amount of food if you need to, so they’re good to use when having people over for dinner.


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