I’m gonna go out on a whim and say that makeup remover should be free like the tampons I have to buy once a goddamn month. It’s not my fault that a Game of Thrones episode occurs in my uterus 12 times a fucking year. Just like it’s not my fault that I wasn’t naturally born to be like, a YouTube beauty guru and get my winged eyeliner right on the first try. Doing your makeup is one thing, but doing it right is quite another. Not only are you forced to spend hundreds buying top-notch shit, but you also have to buy stuff to take that shit off. Will I ever have enough makeup remover on hand to account for all the times I fuck up my contour? With the way my life is going (being that it’s August and I’m still poor and haven’t left the U.S.), I’m thinking no. But, with Google saving the day once again, I’ve learned that you can use shit in your kitchen as makeup remover. Reason #1234 why I love food. From oil to milk (just stay with me on this), here’s what’ll get that waterproof lipstick off when
you’re too lazy to go to the Duane Reade down the block Neutrogena fails you.
1. Vegetable Oil
This might sound weird since we usually want to stay as far away as possible from an oily face, but surprisingly, this works like you wouldn’t believe. If you combine one tablespoon each of olive oil, canola oil, and castor oil, you have a concoction that will take off even the most stubborn mascara. Veggie oils like these are actually really good for your skin because their ~healthy~ nutrients help moisturize and strengthen even the most sensitive skin types.
2. Petroleum Jelly aka like, Vaseline
Raise your hand if you have ever been
called a slut stuck wearing some dark emo lipstick for days because you just couldn’t get it off for the life of you. Mhm, girl. Same because fuck you, Kylie. When every lotion in Ulta and 10 face wipes won’t do the trick, just rub a little bit of vaseline on your lips and voilà. Chapped lips and emo persona be gone.
Name something avocado can’t do. Go ahead, I’ll wait. They’re good to eat, good for your hair, good for your skin… I’m just saying, not all superheroes wear capes. You don’t even have to smear this across your face to get your makeup off, so cut it in half (or, put a slice to the side you were planning on eating anyway) and swipe a Q-tip on it. The oil from this fruit—*still coming to grips with avocado being a fruit*—will take your makeup off easier than you’ve ever seen and help your face at the same time.
4. Whole Milk
This is one you probably least expected to use on your face. Oddly enough, the proteins in whole milk help hydrate and retain natural oils so you don’t dry the fuck out. Dab some on a cotton ball and use where needed to remove makeup and feel fresh AF. And then maybe go take a shower so your face doesn’t smell like dairy that’s been left out. Just sayin’.
5. Honey And Baking Soda
This is a facial mask/cleanser/remover all in one. Add equal parts of raw honey (not the shit you get in a bear bottle) and baking soda into a bowl. Nothing crazy, like, half a teaspoon works. Make it into a paste and gently scrub. This works as a natural cleanser, moisturizer, and dark spot eraser for all the tough spots. I don’t blame you for making this your new facial mask, honey boo boo child.