You know the saying “work hard, play hard”? Well nothing works harder than your skin when you
play hard spend Friday through Sunday treating your body like the back alley of a P.F. Chang’s. Lol we’re so random. That’s right, it’s all fun and games until you wake up on Monday after two days of living in a hedonistic hell of your own making with what I fondly refer to as Retribution Hangover Face. Hangover Face, for those of you virgins who can’t drive, is the face of someone who said “I’m not really drinking tonight” and then only drank Fireball. It’s the face of someone who woke up in their makeup from the night before with a half-eaten pizza crust in their bra, and skin that’s tired, pale, puffy AF, and soooo dehydrated, which now that I look back on it could be the subtitle of my memoir. Whatever. Moving on. Fear not, betches, because there’s actually a way to save you from yourself that doesn’t involve, like, changing your life choices (but does include a bomb moisturizer). Bless up. So here’s how you can fix your skin after a weekend of being yourself. You’re so welcome.
Moisturize The Shit Out Of Your Skin
When you’re trying to cure Hangover Face, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of moisturizing. Your skin is probably thirstier than the drunk Snap you sent your ex last night and it’s begging you to actually, like, take care of yourself. Ugh. Luckily for you betches, Philosophy just turned their v popular, best-in-the-game Purity Made Simple Face Mask into a moisturizer. Blessings. Listen up, because the Purity Made Simple Moisturizer might be the only reason you’re able to leave your house today without looking like the inside wrapper of a McGriddle. Made with chia seed oil, meadowfoam seed oil, a green tea antioxidant complex, and vitamins C and E, the Purity Made Simple moisturizer is super lightweight and designed to make you look, like, really pretty. Not only does it hydrate your skin like crazy, but it also does some other pretty amazing stuff like help skin look radiant, dewy, and smooth with less visible pores in as little as three days (aka just in time for your next happy hour). Also, (most importantly tbh), it can make your skin look young and healthy like the skin you were born with. I personally haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep since I was in the womb, so this is a blessing. Think of the person you were before you discovered late night pizza and drunk dialing your ex. Praise be.
Try To Get Out Of Bed
I think it’s good to set actual achievable goals for yourself, and since the bar could not be set any lower for my goals, I’m hitting you with this piece of inspiring advice: try getting out of bed. Groundbreaking, I know. Do whatever you have to do to get yourself there, whether it’s bribing yourself with coffee and greasy breakfast food or moving your charger to the opposite side of the room so you’ll either be forced to leave your bed or watch your iPhone’s battery—and your will to live—slowly drain to nothing. I literally could not care less. Just getting up and moving around will get your blood pumping and, hopefully, circulate some color back into your pale AF face (which, trust me, you really need rn).
WATER, you psychopaths. Jesus. Seriously, put down the mimosa for five freaking seconds and try and reintroduce water into your system. Some people might say that some hair of the dog is what’s going to make you look and feel less like a human trash bag, but those people haven’t looked at the state of your skin this morning. Not only will drinking water hydrate you and your skin, but it’ll also reduce some of the inflammation that’s making you look puffy AF. So start chugging, betches. Bottoms up!
If you don’t already own Philosophy’s Purity Made Simple moisturizer, you can just add “going to Sephora to pick up a tube” to your “getting out of bed” item on the to-do list. Or you could just grab some online, but tbh, I’m not sure if your corpse-like skin can wait 3-5 business days.
Sponsored by Philosophy
Images: Philosophy; Shutterstock; Giphy