Five Signs You’re the Backburner Bitch

We've clearly explored the terroritory of having a #89 backburner bro, how to deal with him, and how much it must suck to be him. But what happens when the roles are reversed and you find yourself into a bro who's just not that into you. Here are the top 5 signs you are that delusional girl. 

1. His second text of the night never comes before 11:30pm

Don’t be deluded into thinking that since he texted you at 10pm or even earlier, his next move is a candlelit dinner complete with walks on the beach and me vomiting my brains out. Any idiot can send a text mid-pregame to lay the initial groundwork for a drunken bootycall. It’s all about the second text—if he ghosts on you for a couple of hours, even if he eventually texts back, he was also trying to lay that groundwork on someone else and clearly failed. It’s called Plan B for a reason, and that’s because it’s a Big step down from what you were shooting for. No one wants to sound like a bad contraceptive ad. You’re better than that.

2. He frequently initiates conversations with vague shit like “What’s up?” and then when you reply…*crickets*.

Obvs he’s sent that text on blast to everyone in his contact list with a vagina. He didn’t text back because even though your reply of “Lol nm just procrastinating, maybe you can be my distraction?” was superbly clever and riveting and not at all desperate-sounding, someone better answered.

^ You won't be on the receiving end of this


3. He invites you to events with him, but always does it at the last possible minute, if at all.

Do you see a trend emerging here?


4. He’s super into you…when he’s drunk.

Some say, “A drunk mind is a sober heart.” We say, “You’re so delusional it’s approaching Amanda Bynes territory.”

5. He doesn’t compliment you that much

If a guy’s into you, you can count on the fact that every chance he gets he’s going to be constantly reminding you of how hot/funny/smart/irresistible you are—as if you needed reminding. So if you have to practically stab him with a cattle prod in order to get him to grunt, “you look nice,” that’s a pretty surefire sign that much like your patience in dealing with WGG’s, the amount of fucks he gives about you is very limited.

The bottom line is even though you may not keep up with the news, don’t be a fucking idiot. It’s really not that hard: if you start noticing uncanny resemblances between how you treat your BBB and how you’re being treated by a bro…well…it’s time to look in a fucking mirror.


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