Finally Some Optimistic Vibes: Weekly Horoscopes July 27-31

Venus is forming its third and final square of the year with Neptune this week, giving us idealistic, optimistic vibes. For once, quarantine doesn’t feel so bad. Maybe you could even get used to this life! Maybe you can thrive in it! Or at least, maybe you won’t feel completely f*cking hopeless every second of the day, which, in 2020, is something.


Your rosé-colored goggles are firmly planted on this week. On the bright side, you’re seeing the bright side (for once)! One the other hand, don’t be fooled or let yourself start ignoring obvious red flags. I guess what we’re saying is: don’t catch feelings for the wrong person.


Q: Has your generosity been taken advantage of lately? A: Yes. You love to show people you care by providing material assistance (i.e. sending a little Venmo to a depressed friend “for wine”), but remember you need to take care of yourself, too. And yes, it is okay to decline to donate to your roommate’s tequila fund even if she is calling it “mutual aid.”’


It’s manifestation time, Gemini! Chances are your goals, or even entire life plan, has changed recently. Out with the old and in with the new! Take some time this week to dream up a new vision for your future, then write it down. And we won’t judge you if spend a little time on WitchTok looking up manifestation spells, either.


How are your boundaries these days, Cancer? Actually, don’t answer that. At the risk of sounding like a selfish millennial, you’ve been giving and sacrificing too much for others these days. This week is all about reestablishing boundaries and recommitting to yourself. Newsflash: you are living through a pandemic too!


Who are your ride or dies? That is the question you’ll be answering this week, Leo. This week, something will come to the surface that will set apart the real ones from the fakers. As stressful as that may be, be thankful. Some people have to go through entire seasons on a reality show just to figure that out.


This week, you’re taking a second look at someone or something you wrote off because, let’s face it, any decisions we’ve made in 2020 are more guidelines than actual rules. Open yourself up to new possibilities, even if that means revisiting an old possibility you let go at the time. (Betches Media is not responsible for any exes contacted as a result of this post.)


Promises, promises! This week, a promise you made in less pandemic-ey times may come back to bite you. Be honest about what you’re capable of, and try to find a middle ground. There usually is one. Unless they want you to join them for a 6am fitness class you agreed to when you were blackout, in which case that is a hard no.


Love or lust? Or a little bit of both? You’ll be dealing with this classic human dilemma all week, Scorpio, so be prepared to answer the hard questions. Mainly, do you like him, or is he just the only other single person in your quarantine pod?


You’re dealing with your own love vs lust dilemma this week, Sagittarius, but with a twist. Someone from your past might slide into your DMs asking to “break quarantine,” if ya know what I mean. Be thoughtful, not just about your health, but also about your heart. Nobody wants to end up risking it all for just an average hookup situation.


You’ve got a case of The Mondays that are lasting all week, Capricorn. Leave it to you to be the one sign that’s grumpy during “idealism week.” There’s only one thing to do: make like Garfield and drown yourself in lasagna. Though maybe like, one of those eggplant ones to cut down on the carbs.


The stars are aligned for you to make some risky decisions this week, Aquarius. No judgemnt. Your rebellious sign is looking to cause a little trouble, just make sure you don’t make trouble for yourself. You don’t want to end up one of those people whose last words were “YOLO.”


You might be feeling a little off balance this week, Pisces, and its not just the midday margs (though like, those aren’t helping…) Take time to center yourself with some deep, cleansing breaths whenever you get overwhelmed. And if that doesn’t work, just say f*ck it and add another shot to those margs.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.