Everyone Trump Made Fun Of At His Rally Yesterday

Donald Trump is forever on the campaign trail, but what he doesn’t know is that he’s already cemented first place as the worst person in the history of the world. Take a break, hon. You’ve won the popular vote on that one. For a man who probably mocks safe spaces, Trump sure loves his rallies where he’s comfortably swaddled by the harassing cheers of people who think Pizzagate is a real thing. At yesterday’s South Carolina rally, Trump made fun of the following people:

Mark Sanford

The president has decided to go all in on dragging US Representative and member of the Freedom Caucus, Mark Sanford for his extramarital affair. You might remember Sanford’s affair from a few years ago because he was the politician who lied about going to hike the Appalachian trail when he was actually with his Argentinian mistress.

Trump begins his speech in South Carolina with some shots at Mark Sanford: “[A] guy I have never liked too much. Never liked him too much. I wasn’t a big fan. The Tallahassee trail. Must be a beautiful place. Unfortunately he didn’t go there.”

Trump, if you want to drag someone, get the details right or it simply won’t hit. That’s dragging 101. Also, no one has ever gone to the Tallahassee Trail because it doesn’t exist. I mean, I guess I’m not surprised that Trump isn’t an outdoors kind of guy.

John McCain

Ya know, the president is still going hard on hating on the Senator with brain cancer. Very chill. He called the war hero as “the man that put the thumbs down”,  referring to McCain’s no-vote on the healthcare bill. 

Jimmy Fallon

The late night comedian denounced his interview with Trump this week, saying he regretted goofing off with him on the campaign trail. We all have hookups we regret, Jimmy. We get it. Of course Trump went immediately started calling out Fallon’s poor ratings and had to mention his hair is real. The lady doth protest too much, imho.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Trump couldn’t just insult one person’s TV ratings, he had to double down. 

For the record, Schwarzenegger stepped down from hosting The Apprentice though said “I would absolutely work with all of [the crew] again on a show that doesn’t have this baggage.” Referring to Trump as “this baggage” is enough to warrant months of online harassment from him it looks like. 

Other important announcements the president made included the creation of the Space Force (note: Flint still doesn’t have clean water), that BMW sucks (one of South Carolina’s largest employers), and that obviously Fake News is our country’s biggest threat (we are holding children in cages without their parents).

I’m usually not one to support lying, but perhaps we tell Trump he has to campaign for the rest of his life, lock him in a gym with a bunch of crisis actors, and just work on getting our country back to normal while he is preoccupied yelling about Fake News. 

Next the president is headed to North Dakota, obviously the country’s saddest state, and is going to yell into a microphone there hoping one day to find something close to the semblance of love. I wish him no luck.

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