Eclipse Energy: Weekly Horoscopes July 15-19

Strap in everybody, because this Tuesday features the year’s only full moon eclipse in Capricorn, meaning your productivity will be at freshman-year-studying-on-Adderall levels. Make your to-do list now and get to crossing things off, because this ability to not procrastinate on everything in your life will fade as quickly as the full moon.


You know that thing you’ve been procrastinating for months because you’re just too lazy to do it? Not this week! The lunar eclipse has supersized your ability to get sh*t done, so this is the perfect time to actually return those shorts that make your ass look lumpy (provided the return window hasn’t expired).


A Taurus loves nothing more than to chill at home with a face mask and a bottle of wine (okay, who doesn’t?), but it’s time to put the skin care aside and leave the damn house. The eclipse means this is the perfect time to expand your horizons by trying a new class, checking out a museum, or just hitting up a different bar than the three you normally go to. Your couch will still be there when you return, we promise.


If you haven’t already downloaded Ship, this is the week to do it, Gemini! The eclipse is intensifying your house of seduction, meaning any tweaks you make to your dating app profiles are bound to yield maximum results. Just don’t schedule two dates at once and try to make both of them at the same time. It didn’t work in Mrs. Doubtfire, and it won’t work for you.


The full moon eclipse has you thinking about the future, which means now is a great time to reassess your summer fling. Does it have cuffing season potential? If so, why not make it official now instead of spending the next few months pretending you might still meet someone on the apps? It’ll save your index finger a whole lot of swiping.


FOMO is real, Leo, especially for you, but have you ever heard of JOMO? It’s the joy of missing out, and you should try it sometime. The eclipse energy is helping you to clear out any unnecessary bullsh*t in your schedule, so why not go ahead an cancel those unnecessary plans right now? It’ll literally feel amazing.


Ooooh look at you, Virgo! The eclipse is making you take center stage, rather than letting your more extra friends battle for the spotlight while you take shots in the corner. What are you going to do with your newfound stardom? That’s up to you, just be sure to remember the little people when your Area 51 meme goes viral.


The eclipse is making you want to stay the f*ck home this week, Libra, so why not turn it into a full-on staycation? Turn your home into your own private Tulum getaway by stocking it full of all your favorite snacks, snagging a bottle of your favorite wine, and inviting over a few friends for a night in. You’ll deal with your plummeting step average next week.


The eclipse is turning up your social butterfly tendencies, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself scheduling one, two, even three happy hours. As an added bonus, a connection you make during this time period could end up being a fruitful creative and/or work partnership, so really by going out every night you’re advancing your career. Lean in!


A lunar eclipse means only one thing for you, Sagittarius: money moves. If you’re already financially savvy, taking a look at your investments and moving some money around this week isn’t a bad idea. If you’re a beginner to the whole “having money” thing, download one of those apps that helps beginners get started and put $50 behind the legal cannabis company of your choice. Seems like a solid investment!


The lunar eclipse is in your sign, Capricorn, so be ready for some pretty intense moon energy. This means your hard work is about to pay off in a major way, whether it be by finally getting that raise you’ve been asking for, or getting into that yoga pose you’ve been trying to nail all year. Congrats!


It’s time to unplug, Aquarius. Use the eclipse as an excuse to schedule some no phone time, even if that means you miss a couple pieces of hot goss in the group chat. You take the time to do you this week and just trust that if the goss is really that hot somebody will def explain it to you over brunch on Sunday.


Practice this word: no. Was that so hard? The full moon is making everyone a little crazy, meaning some people might feel the need to make weird requests of you. Practice setting your own boundaries and let all these crazy moon people figure their own sh*t out for us. You’ll just be over here chillin’.

Images: John Sting / Unsplash; Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.