True to its weird processed meat name, Bologna is currently not exactly the betchiest place in Italy. Up until now, it’s kind of been Florence’s dumpy cousin who we GUESS is okay sometimes but still uses Livejournal and keeps sending us Candy Crush requests.
But now it’s safe to say that Bologna will soon become a little more betchy and, dare I say, the most magical place on earth (sorry not sorry, Disney). Come September 2017, Italian culinary wizard Mario Bataly and Joe Bastianich will be opening Eataly: the theme park.
If you haven’t been to one of the two glorious Eataly locations that Manhattan has to offer, then please, stop reading this now and go watch adorable Italian chefs craft you a custom charcuterie plate while you whimsically shop for wheels of cheese the size of your head (for your health, obvs).
The 20-acre Six Flags for classy people will be part culinary wonderland, part “edutainment” center. The park plans to use the sprawling, idyllic Italian countryside as an interactive market where shoppers can indulge in homemade Italian foods while visiting the pastures, gardens, and orchards where the food was actually made. This place is perfect for you and your betchy single girlfriends to live out your Eat, Pray Love dreams. But like, with less praying and loving and more eating carbs out of a bowl made from a giant wheel of Pecorino Romano.
Thankfully, there are no actual rides at Eataly’s theme park, just cute AF shopping rental bikes that guests can use to cart around their groceries between taking glutenous/gluttonous forkfuls of freshly made pasta and crafting an IG story that will make all of your high school friends jealous.
IDK about you, but I’m already packing my bags with exclusively forgiving large sweatpants and those Lulu Roe leggings that no one will STFU about bc let’s be honest: this ‘aint a place to look cute, it’s my twisted dark fantasy dreamland where stuffing my cheeks with balls of burrata is entirely OK.