If you’re tired of being bombarded by the keto diet on your FB page, Insta, and everywhere else you spend long periods of time, tough sh*t, cause we’re about to lay down some easy keto recipes. For the uninitiated, the keto diet—short for ketogenic diet—is focused on minimizing cards and letting you stuff your face with fat so that your body, which is easily distracted, will use fat instead of carbs for energy. I paraphrase science a little bit. According to Women’s Health Magazine, “after about two to seven days of following this eating routine, you go into something called ketosis, or the state your body enters when it doesn’t have enough carbs for your cells to use for energy.” Then what happens is your body “starts making ketons, or organic compounds that your bod then uses in place of those missing carbs—and oh, it also burns fat for more energy.” Basically, as Cady Heron famously said, your body is running on carbs. Once all the carbs are gone, you’ll drop 10 pounds like that! I should have an honorary biology degree. Anyway, if you wanna just, like, burn up all your fat and carbs, here are some stupidly easy keto meals that barely require a recipe.
1. Smoked Salmon Stuffed Avocados
Praise da lort, you can have avocado and smoked salmon while you’re keto-ing your life away. This recipe requires you to cut an avocado in half, remove the pit, then stuff some smoked salmon and creme fraîche inside, topping with a bit of salt, pepper, and lemon juice. Your body is literally a temple and I feel like Ina Garten would be v proud.
2. Chicken And Green Beans
If you hate putting effort into literally anything, this is the keto meal for you. Go to the store and buy a rotisserie chicken. Cut off some pieces. Steam some green beans. Dinner is f*cking served. It literally does not get easier than this. You don’t even have to roast the chicken yourself.
3. Caprese Omelet
Do you know how to make an omelet? Time to learn. This recipe marries eggs with the much beloved combo of mozzarella, tomatoes, and basil. It works for breakfast, lunch, dinner, or when you’re really hungover and don’t know what day or time it is. If you need me to explain to you how to cook eggs, you have bigger problems than doing the keto diet IMO.
4. BLTA Lettuce Wraps
Bacon plus lettuce plus tomatoes plus avocado gives you so many life points as a basic b*tch! Grab some fresh romaine lettuce, then pile on the bacon, fresh tomatoes, and avocado slices for an amazing breakfast or lunch. This goes great with iced coffee and judgment, too.
5. Zucchini Noodle Pasta
Break out the spiralizer, cause it’s time to eat zucchini noodles! After you cut your vegetables into noodle shapes, top it with anything from your favorite jarred tomato sauce to sun-dried tomatoes and feta to olive tapenade to literally cheese and pepper. Low carb, low fat, and not quite as good as regular pasta but, whatever, you chose to be keto.
6. Oktoberfest Brats With Mustard Sauce
Going keto but still wanna chug beer and celebrate German culture (the fun parts, anyway)? Get your Oktoberfest on with this recipe that doesn’t require complex thought AND doesn’t feel like it should be healthy in any way since it consists of half glorified hot dogs, and half sauerkraut! You’re such a world traveler.
7. Garlic Chicken
If you’re cool with actually COOKING something, buy a bunch of chicken drumsticks, season them with salt, pepper, chopped fresh garlic, and parsley, then put them on a greased baking sheet. Sprinkle over some extra virgin olive oil and lemon just, then put them in a 450°F oven for about 40 minutes or until the chicken is brown and roasted. You can eat this with a nice arugula salad or several glasses of wine. Is wine keto?