Drinking Coffee Could Undo Liver Damage From Alcohol, Study Says, Thank Fucking God

In case you’re low-key still recovering from Saturday night (same), wondering what potential long-term impacts your copious vodka soda consumption may have on your health, I’ve got good news for you: you know coffee, like that thing you’re probably drinking right now, in iced form? Well, keep drinking it, because a new study shows drinking coffee may undo liver damage from booze. Holy fucking shit, you mean one of my reckless drinking habits may actually reverse the harmful effects of my other reckless drinking habits?! There is a God.

The study, which was recently published in Business Insider, was conducted by researchers from Southampton University in the U.K., aka people who probably know what they’re talking about re: binge drinking. They basically analyzed data from 9 already published studies and found that drinking two more cups of coffee a day—real coffee, not your Starbucks orange mocha frappuccino bullshit—was linked to a 44% lower risk of developing cirrhosis, which is a liver disease alcoholics get. Hear that, mom? My four years of binge drinking (aka college) might not have damaged my liver beyond repair, after all! Wow, did Christmas come early this year or what??

If that’s not life-changing enough, in 8 out of the 9 studies, the risk of cirrhosis continued to decrease as daily coffee consumption increased. In other words:

So, recap: drink more coffee—now you have an actual scientific reason to do what you were going to do anyway. Maybe I’ll serve coffee at my next pregame? Who knows. The possibilities are endless now that my raging has basically no effect on my health, so long as I keep caffeinating—that was totally the takeaway, right?


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