Dreamy Springtime Vibes (And Allergies): Horoscopes March 29-April 1

Spring has fully sprung, and the stars want you to get with the program. This week, Mercury is (not going retrograde—don’t worry) meeting up with Neptune in Pisces, bringing dreamy, springtime vibes to all of our lives. Much like the weather, you are feeling light and breezy. Also, still a little bit cold, so you might want to bring a sweater. It’s been a long winter…


Now is a great time to let go of one (or one hundred) of the grudges you’ve been holding. What happened in quarantine, stays in quarantine. With your season in full swing and spring officially springing, why not lighten your load by finally releasing some anger you’ve been holding onto? It’s been seven years since your sister lost those leggings. Let it go.


Bust out the TBTs! Mercury and Neptune are meeting and the nostalgia is real, so don’t be surprised if you find yourself wanting to get the band back together. (And by “the band,” we of course mean the crew you would play Spice Girls with at recess.) Lean into the nostalgic vibes and reminisce about a time before you’d ever heard the word “coronavirus.” Pro-tip: they just released two seasons of The Amanda Show on Paramount Plus. You know what to do.


This week, your ruling planet meets up with Neptune in Pisces, kicking your ambition into overdrive. How exactly does one network in the age of Zoom? You’re about to find out. Nothing, not even a pandemic, can stop you from achieving world domination. Or at the very least, inbox domination. Baby steps.


The sun is shining, people, are getting vaxxed, and you were ready to go on vacation like, yesterday. Now is the perfect time to make your post-vaccination vacation plans a reality (emphasis on the “post-vaccination” part.) Just maybe hold off on spring break in Miami. We’re not quite there yet, and you don’t even get a spring break anymore.


Look at Mercury and Neptune’s meetup this week as an opportunity to practice letting things go, Leo. Yes, people may test your patience. Yes, Deborah from Accounts Payable will always be annoying as f*ck, especially before 10am, but what if you just let it go? Or at least refrained from openly rolling your eyes with your camera on?


Let yourself look on the bright side this week, Virgo! Mercury and Neptune are letting you put on Pisces’ rose-colored glasses for a few days, so why not embrace it? There’s actually a lot to be happy about if you look around for even a second. Quit being a downer and join the party.


Take off your shoes and run in the grass? Yes please! Mercury and Neptune are teaming up in Pisces to make you want to reconnect to nature, even if that’s just the nature in your own back yard. Get as much sun and fresh air as possible. You might even go on a hike and leave your cell phone behind. **True Crime Instincts Kick In** On second thought, never mind.


Neptune and Mercury have flipped your charm switch, and the world can’t help but pay attention. The spotlight is going to find you whether you want it or not, so you might as well embrace it and put on a show. Post that thirst trap. Go live on Instagram. Make that TikTok of the dance you’ve been practicing. You can always delete and pretend it never happened once you return to your old self again.


This is a good week for hard conversations, Sagittarius, as Mercury and Neptune’s celestial hangout will have you more open to compromise. If there’s an awkward topic you’ve been avoiding, now is the time to sit down, grab a glass of wine (or a bottle) and hash it the fuck you. It was bound to come out once you’re both able to go to a bar again anyway.


Looking to reconnect to your roots? Now is a really good time to reach out to an old friend, Capricorn, as you might be finding yourself wanting to connect with your past. There are probably more than a few people you could stand to catch up with after a year of pandemic living, so send the text, set up the Zoom, and make it happen. You should probably know how to do that by now, right?


Can you say digital detox? This week we’re bringing the screen time way, way down. And Mercury and Neptune are gonna help you actually do it. We can all use a break from the scrolling every once in a while, and given the fact that spring is here *and* vaccines are happening, you should have no trouble distracting yourself. And I don’t mean by logging into Instagram from your desktop.


Time to speak up, Pisces! With Neptune and Mercury hanging out in your sign, you’ve got nothing to do but trust yourself. This week, give priority to your own thoughts and ideas, rather than making sure everyone else feels comfortable. Let Janet try to keep the morning Zoom from turning awkward for a change.

Images: Timur Romanov / Unsplash; Giphy

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.