Dr. Dre Sells Beats To Apple And Announces It On Selfie Video (and Other Business News)

Burger King will now serve burgers at breakfast

Through a new program called “Burgers at Breakfast” Burger King will be serving, you guessed it, burgers at breakfast. In addition to burgers, the morning menu will also include chicken sandwiches, French fries, and apple pie, allowing Americans to consume 1,000 extra calories and hate themselves all before 10 AM. This is all part of the ongoing fast food breakfast wars which was started earlier this year by Taco Bell, we assume, as a way of saying “Stop giving McDonalds all the credit! We make America fat, too!” Way to up the game, Burger King! You might not be the best at breakfast food, but you’ll definitely be the best at giving everyone diabetes. Read article>>

Disney will milk the shit out of Frozen’s success

If you could not tell by the fact that everyone is obsessed with that Let It Go song, Frozen was a huge success for Disney. After earning over a billion dollars at the box office the film is now the highest grossing animated movie of all time. Disney has now announced that they are going to milk the shit out of the film’s success, so expect to start seeing “Frozen” theme park rides, Broadway plays, story books, computer games, videos, and flavored vodkas (okay, maybe not that last one, but I’m just saying, I think it would sell). Also, for all the betches in training out there, Elsa dresses are now selling for the low price of $1000 a piece on EBay. Such a steal! I mean, you can’t put a price on childhood happiness…or dress up clothes that your kid will wear once and forget about. Read article>>

Dr. Dre says he is the first billionaire “straight outta Compton” 

After much speculation, it appears that Apple will be buying Dr. Dre’s company, Beats Electronics. To announce the buyout, Dr. Dre did what any mature business man would do: took a video selfie and went on a Kanye-like rant. “Billionaire boys club for real, homie!” Dre bragged in the video with R&B star Tyrese Gibson. The buyout was reported last week to be for $3.2 billion dollars making the Beats owner, as Dre said, “The first billionaire in hip hop right here from the mother fucking west coast.” He also told viewers of the video to “Fix your face”…whatever that means. God, what I would give to be a fly on the wall during his meetings with Apple execs. Read article>>


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