Don Jon: Betches Love This Movie

So this week we saw Don Jon, a movie where for the first time Joseph Gordon Levitt manages to get a lot of pussy instead of just being a huge pussy. (While I hate myself for using that word this often, this fact needed to be stated.) But actually this movie was great on so many levels. First off, we got to see the dating world from a guy's perspective. Not that we didn't know that guys rate you on a one to ten scale before they even get your name, but we got some seriously deep insights into the real sex vs porn predicament.  From watching ScarJo do her best Sammi Sweetheart to seeing Tony Danza for the first time in 150 years, lets take a look at why this movie about a Jersey bro addicted to porn is actually one of the best rom coms of the year.


Jon: There's only a few things I really care about in life. My body. My pad. My ride. My family. My church. My boys. My girls. My porn.

We first saw Joseph Gordon Levitt pining away like a nice guy loser over Alex Mack in 10 Things I Hate About You. Cut to a decade later and he's still doing the same shit only he replaced Bianca with the likes of Zooey Deschanel and Bryce Dallas Howard. But finally, FINALLY this year someone gave JGL a dick and let the world know that he's actually pretty hot you know, if you're into that whole DJ Pauly D look.

ScarJo aka Barbara Sugarman

Who the fuck knew that Scarlett Johannson could play a character where she had to do more than half smile and nod her head? I was actually impressed with her classy Jersey girl act where she manages to whip JGL into being her bitch.

Julianne Moore

We're not sure exactly how Julianne Moore does it but despite being old as fuck, pale, and red-headed she manages to have sexual chemistry with every single actor in the world. I mean anyone who can still get laid in a movie while sporting a nightgown and the name “Esther” automatically deserves an Oscar.

So leave your boyfriend at home with his porn, go see Don Jon with your friends, and prepare to see more semen stains than the communal couch in a frat house.


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