Dear Betch, How Do I Tell Whether a Guy Wants to Date or Just Hook Up?

Dear Betch,

I met this kid at a party two months ago and after texting for a few days he asked me to go on his club's hayride. He's a super quiet kid, and his friends said he doesn't bring girls around a lot, so I felt special! Anyways, after hayride I didn't think I was into him, even though we made out and I stayed til like 6am. BTW he was very touchy-feely in bed, which I liked. A month later I text him for a booty call and we have sex. This past weekend we did too. I like having sex with him and I like him… but I'm not getting anything out of him! He's clearly not a texter and his Twitter of 1,000 tweets is private. Oh, and we aren't FB friends. Every time we hang out he gets more talkative, but I can't tell if we're using each other for sex, or if he's interested. This past weekend he even said we should hang out after Thanksgiving break.

So… keep the casual sex going, and eventually ask where this is going?? No idea what to do.


Desperate for that D

Dear Desperate for that D,

You've pretty much summed up my reply to your questions in your sign off. First of all, what kind of college club has a hayride? Are you dating a farmer or do you go to school in Halloweentown? Next, you say he was very touchy feely in bed. Is there any place else in the world where it's more appropriate to be touchy feely than in bed? Do most of the guys you sleep with not touch you and ask you to Purell before lightly patting you? Of course he was touchy feely in bed. That's the POINT of having sex with someone. He talks to you more every time he sees you? Welcome to the rules of human social interaction. Congrats! You're not fucking Silent Bob or Lamar Odom!

Anyway, I digress. This guy is not interested in dating you. Let's look into how we know that. Forget how many Tweets/Facebook posts/Instagrams/Vines/Pinterest/Farmville games this bro has not yet added you on. None of that shit matters because this guy is not texting you. You occasionally text him looking for sex and guess what, you're a sure thing so he responds and you guys fuck. There's really not too much mystery going on here. If this guy wanted to date you he'd be texting you. A LOT. But he doesn't text you. EVER. He'd also be asking you to engage in other activities besides sex…but he's not. So if you're just down to have a casual fuck buddy than that's chill but let's not pretend there's any question as to this guy's intentions. 

It's fine to be down for the D but don't ever refer to yourself as desperate for it,

The Betches


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