Dear Betch, Am I Gay If I Like Hooking Up with Girls?

Dear Betch,

Well this is kinda awkward and either super betchy of me or the most unbetchy thing ever but whatever. So basically the past couple times I've gotten blacked out I've tried to hook up with this one girl like multiple times.I'm not talking like a Girls Gone Wild type hook up in the middle of the club but its usually when we both get back to our dorms and realize we won't be fucking any bros that night.

I know I'm not gay because I've had boyfriends, fucked bros, etc. So is it normal for me to want to hook up with girls when I'm drunk and bored? HELP!!


No Homo

Dear No Homo,

If sexuality is a spectrum you may not be a full on lesbian but you definitely don't have the straightest pitch on the softball team. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you my friend are a closeted bi-sexual. The only issue here is your self-delusion that you're not into girls. If it were a drunken hook up in a club in front of a guy, I'd say you could definitely be straight and just like to rage, but the fact that you enjoy making out with girls in the privacy of a dorm room means you're sexually attracted to them and the fact that you consistently try to hook up with the same girl sounds like you're on the hunt for a girlfriend.

The whole “I know I'm not gay because I've fucked guys” thing is a really compelling argument. You and John Travolta could have a great discussion about how you're both not gay over a nice Fruitini and an erotic massage. There's no need to be in denial. When it comes to sex there is no normal so just be who you are and hook up with whoever you want. As long as you're not delusionally dating a straight girl, no one will give a shit what you do. And if they do, fuck them.


The Betches


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