Dear Betch…

Hey betches,

So unlike the majority of delusional wannabe betches who write in, I have a legit problem in need of serious advice. One of my besties has always been our token DD, despite the fact that she's gorgeous her overly insecure desperate demeanor sends guys running. It was funny for us in college, except when we had to deal with the inevitable sobfest every time she finally came to the realization that whatever bro she was stalking wasn't dating her.

Anyway, fast forward to a couple of months ago. She meets this “hot” guy and immediately falls head over heels for him… Let's call him FuckFaceFaggot for the sake of anonymity. Turns out FFF is an illegal immigrant and looking for a green card. Over the past couple of months, she's been paying for him to live with her, giving him money so he can “take care of his mom”… It's fucking disgusting. Obvs me and all our other besties have been trying to talk some sense into her but she just doesn't want to hear it.

Now wasting your cash on a bro is one thing, fucking stupid but not life ruining. Shit just got real though.. FFF has convinced her to marry him so he can get his papers. She's fully convinced he loves her an they'll live happily ever after. To the rest of us we obviously see he's just taking advantage of her insecurities. (did I mention he deff cheats on her? But that's besides the point)

So here's my dilemma.. Being who I am, I could make one phone call and have this asshole deported immediately… But is it my place to do so? I'm afraid that will only backfire and make her hate me. On the other hand how am I supposed to sit idly by and watch one of my best friends destroy her life because of some con artist?? What's a betch to do??? Pleaseee help me out here.


He's a life ruiner.. He ruins people's lives

Dear He's a life ruiner,

Although entertaining, it can be really sad when the delusional dater in your bestie group takes it too far. That's when her low self-esteem starts to get scary, instead of just funny. The most you can do in this situation is be honest with your friend and tell her that you think this guy is taking advantage of her. She'll probably be insulted, sad, and angry (that's why she's delusional) but then at least you'll know you did everything you could to stop this crisis from happening. If she's still not convinced you should just stay out of it since you said your peace. You can't force someone to see the light, they have to realize that shit for themselves even it it means they're legally tied to a foreigner.

So sit tight, tell the truth and live your own life. And hey, once you make your feelings known you don't even have to talk shit behind her back, you can do it to her face!


The Betches


Dear Betch,

So, I was seeing this super perfect pro last semester: gorgeous, great taste, funny, chivalrous, came from a great family and was really close to them, etc. We always  had a blast together and had great hook ups. However, he is your typical fratty player type that had a reputation for sleeping around and just sucking when it came to relationships. BUT, i know for a fact that I was the only one he was seeing when we became involved, he aaalways told me he liked me and would call me his girlfriend and even introduced me to his family (which is a big deal for him..they loved me btw).

Once summer hit and he left to go work with his father, he said we would keep in touch and so i thought a phone call a couple times a week, never expected more than that, he'd be busy working. I didn't hear from him once. I tried getting a hold of him a couple times after not hearing from him for a few weeks into break, but gave up once I realized I wasn't going to get a response.

Now school is approaching and he has started blowing me up again. I'm really hurt and confused. I want to answer to hear his excuse for ignoring me, but I'm also not dumb and know he doesn't really deserve it. I really just have no idea how to approach this situation–do i just wait until i run into him on campus, do i answer his calls…? I do miss him, i just don't want to be dumb. HELP!


Super Confused Betch

Dear Super Confused Betch,

Simply put, this guy is just not that into you. Maybe he was at one point, but he definitely isn't now. What probably happened is that he met someone else this summer and started hooking up with her and ignoring you. Considering he was calling you his girlfriend, introduced you to his family, and yet still did not call you once the entire summer, I'm guessing he not only has shitty communication skills but is also insanely immature. Stop speaking to him. It's time to totally ignore him because he showed you exactly how much you were worth to him over the summer. Maybe he's not around his summer fling anymore and is now looking to hook up again. Don't be a doormat. Move on. If he wanted you to know his excuse for ignoring you, you would've already heard it. He doesn't have one.

Finally, I can't reiterate this enough times that if a guy wants to be with you he will make it happen. This guy didn't so he doesn't want you.

Find someone who does,

The Betches

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